European Expansion

It's a real book. Barely any
pictures, I promise.

First off, I want to clarify that this is not a wikipedia entry. Contrary to popular belief, I'm capable of reading articles greater than a few pages in length, and have recently read the acclaimed Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. It was the most well researched book I've ever read, packed with such a sheer volume of information from a number of disciplines that each point was provided with enough evidence to warrant a book itself. In fact, it was actually researched to the point of a fault - the book had the tendency to drag on from providing so much evidence that it was easy to lose interest; you can only read on so many varieties of plant life that possess the attributes to be adequately farmed before you find yourself kind of nodding off. Fortunately I'm here, and I'm all about summaries, and if ever there's a book that can be summarized, it's this one.

Diamond's book is based off a question a man in New Guinea posed to him way back when. He asked why European countries were the ones to colonize the rest of the world while native New Guineans (spelling?) were left so far in the dust, technologically speaking. The answer comes down to a number of factors that lead to what is essentially geographical luck. Europe holds basically all the positives that are possible, while everywhere else is pretty much boned for one reason or another. The following is why Europe was good for building these cultures. If you want full details on why these are true through the evidence provided, read the darn book - otherwise, take my word for it. 

The first reason is Europe traditionally goes east/west  geographically rather than north/youth. Look at the Americas (for my friends from the U.S.A., I mean North, Central and South America, not your specific country). The land is not particularly wide. Yes, Canada may be that way, but Canada wasn't a thing back then. The continents are what's important here. North/south alignments means the trade goes across differing climates; think about it this way - Mexico is going to have a vastly different average temperature than Canada. That means they'll have difficulties trading crops and technologies as they'll be suited for completely different needs. What may grow even in the U.S. may not grow in Canada, even though the distance is relatively short. This leads to isolated groups that don't trade as frequently or as effectively. Europe on the other hand is very short and wide, meaning they can easily trade crops and technologies that link together quite well as their climate is at least relatively similar on the mainland. 

Another reason is one I've passed by on occasion throughout this blog thus far. The major crops are almost all Eurocentric, but that's not because they were the ones to decide that they're to be used, but rather because they're the most effective for mass farming. The vast majority of these crops that are prime for farming were originally European crops that have been brought to other countries and domesticated. The way farming begins, and therefore hunkering down and building societies rather than nomadic tribes, is through having crops that will provide enough food to survive with less effort than the hunter/gatherer style. These crops were good enough to provide that level of food with perhaps some supplementary meat to begin to settle down. Once that begins, cultures can begin to grow to great sizes, and when the sizes are large all of a sudden you don't need everyone working on food as that job can be taken by only a percentage of the population. The rest can begin to specialize into rulers, metalworkers, labourers, or very importantly, soldiers. That's when things begin to start sounding like modern day.

Diamond, pictured here looking perplexed.

In addition to the crops, the animals are far superior in Europe as well. The reason behind this is the "Anna Karenina principle" as Diamond calls it. The idea is that even though an animal can be nearly perfect for domestication, if it has one flaw that works against it it's fatal and cannot be used. The principle's name is based off a book where a man is looking for broads but they're all not quite perfect and thus he can't marry them... or something. I may summarize Guns, Germs and Steel but I'm not doing anything for that. Anyways, there's a number of factors that have to be in play. One, the animals have to be large, which is a difficulty right off the bat. There's not that many really big animals around, save for Africa. However, when you take a look there, they have hardly anything that works for domestication. Picture it this way - try to domesticate a rhino. You'll at least not have to worry about running out of food as everyone would surely be gored to death within a week. Gazelles, the prancing fairies of Africa, may be something a little easier. No again. Apparently, when you put them into a pen they'll try to escape so hard they'll kill themselves on the fence. Even modern-day technology hasn't been able to properly domesticate any African large animals for the purposes of food with any real success. However, up a little farther north, you have cows, pigs and sheep. The reason this is important is the same reason as the plants; you can settle down and make a home around these things as long as you can grow them nice and close. Sooner or later, you're going to have a population.

Well, there's another reason for that being important, actually... if you domesticate animals you'll be forced to live amongst their crap. Somehow - somehow - this worked out to be a plus. Living among the animals means you're going to pick up a whole pant-load of diseases over the course of the centuries living with them. Eventually, immunities are built up and it's suddenly very reasonable to live with all these animals that previously killed you just by forgetting to wash yourself. However, when the Europeans brought these over to, say, North America, the Natives did not have this same immunity. Numbers as high as 95% in certain areas were wiped out due to disease. The Natives, not having domesticated any animals of their own, did not have their brand of disease to throw back. The Natives may have traded furs, but the germ trade was completely one sided. Fun fact; when domestication first started happening in Europe, people had to be imported to the cities from the rural areas because the death total was so freaking high.

Now these are the major reasons the book listed, and I'll readily admit that I probably forgot a few here and there. After reading that book, I can honestly say I'm convinced this is truth to the point that I can't picture much else being reasonable. So there you have it. That's why the world is like it is today, and I'm sitting here in Canada as a white dude typing on my MacBook about it instead of living on some coast in France. Makes you think.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "History followed different courses for different peoples because of differences among peoples' environments, not because of biological differences among peoples themselves." This is the main idea of the book. The first three chapters should have been titled "seriously guys, I'm not a racist."
2. "With the rise of chiefdoms around 7,500 years ago, people had to learn, for the first time in history, how to encounter strangers regularly without attempting to kill them." Yeah... that may have not gone so well though. It worked here and there.
3. “Not until the beginning of the 20th century did Europe's urban populations finally become self-sustaining: before then, constant immigration of healthy peasants from the countryside was necessary to make up for the constant deaths of city dwellers from crowd diseases.” Just in case you were wondering why the Europeans themselves survived all the diseases from the animals in the first place - they didn't. 

Magna Carta

How do they even know that this is the Magna Carta?
It's so hard to read... curse that Olde English.

Oooooh boy, this is a big one to tackle. Now I'm going to say right off the bat that I'm not going to go deeply into the changes to law from the Magna Carta which sounds... well, kind of stupid seeing as how the whole thing is a freaking legal document. What I want to go over is the historical background for the charter, why and how it came to be. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people will tell me (as if anyone reads this blog) that the Magna Carta still changes the justice system today, but to be perfectly honest I don't find that interesting. If you do happen to want to learn the legal ramifications of it, there are plenty of incredibly boring university lectures I suggest you attend.

Anyways...

Pope Innocent III: ranked the fifth most
innocent Pope of all time.

King John was having a rough time in England in 1209(ish). He raised taxes, came into conflict with Pope Innocent III (who, judging by the name, even sounds friendly by pope standards), and had a number of failed wars under his belt, the worst of which occurring in Normandy where losing to the French is always seen as a particularly strong negative. Naturally, there was some unrest that began brooding in the Kingdom, and the barons began to conspire against the crown. If you're wondering, a baron is a noble but a pretty low ranking, chump-esque role. It's above a knight but below a viscount, earl and the other variety of titles that I wish I could refer to myself as. It also makes me wonder if "Viscount Chocula" would have sold better.

So after the barons really got together and grumbled, they went into open rebellion. This isn't in and of itself too big a deal as rebellions were apparently fairly common, as every king after William the Conquerer had to deal with them. William presumedly didn't have to worry about rebellions as people are typically pretty happy when you take over everything for them. What was unusual was the uprising barons had no replacement planned for him as rebellions typically do - the common path is attempting to overthrow the king and throw in a usurper more inclined to help out with the needs of whoever was doing the rebelling. The closest they had was Prince Louis of France, but... he's French. They didn't really want that to happen all that much.

"So if I don't sign you'll kill me, yes?
What fun! I've never been on the
receiving end of a death threat before!"

King John knew this was going on. He tried to delay the confrontation by hiring some mercenaries, making the people pledge a new oath of allegiance and garnering some favour from the Pope (surrendering to the papacy and whatnot and declaring himself a crusader). It didn't help him out very much though, and soon enough the French heir and Alexander II of the Scots entered London with the city opening their gates in support. They forced King John to agree to a document called the "Article of the Barons", after which they renewed their oath to him. This would eventually turn into the Magna Carta. The purpose of the article was to limit the power of the crown; to help enforce it, one rule was that twenty-five barons could meet and overrule the king if he defied the charter. This was a very strong attack on his authority, and the king was not cool with it.

Remembering that King John had just submitted to the papal authority, the Pope declared Magna Carta null and void - keep in mind that back in the day, the church held a lot of political power to say the least, and it was in the Pope's best interest that the new charter did not go through. The barons were barely out the door when their article was cancelled. Seeing no other alternative, civil war raged between the barons and the crown, as the king was quite clearly never about to let himself be bound by the charter, marking the beginning of the First Barons' War. The barons, aided Prince Louis, killed the king in 1216 and secured the future of Magna Carta. The king's nine year old son was crowned king, but much of the rule was under the Frenchman. They chose the king's son as they had some worries that the Prince would leave them worse off than they had been when they started.

So Magna Carta was founded officially. This led to constitutional law for the English speaking countries and was the legal system used for quite some time. While most of its clauses have been since replaced by ones that, you know, aren't several centuries old, it set the tone for how the law was going to be from then on out - less power for the monarchy, and everyone is subject to the law. Huzah!

Not to be confused with the Magma Carta, a much easier bill to warm up to. Ugh... sorry. There are only so many puns you can make about the Magna Carta.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "The greatest constitutional document of all times - the foundation of the freedom of the individual against the arbitrary authority of the despot." A quote from Lord Denning, whoever that may be. I am quite sure he's a rather big fan of the Magna Carta.
2. "Stand fast for the liberty of the church and the realm." Taken from the Barons' Oath. 
3. "...shameful and demeaning agreement, forced upon the King by violence and fear." Pope Innocent III, expressing his not so found opinion of the document. 

St. Nicholas

Well, it's almost Christmas. It just seems fitting to take such a joyous holiday, filled with good cheer and the giving of gifts and to spoil it with historical fact to disrupt and negate the spirit of it. Here I am, ready to ruin some childrens' dreams with the historical background of jolly old St. Nicholas, or Nikoloas of Myra, as he was often called. However, for the rest of this blog I'll be calling him Santa.

St. Nicholas saving the lives of innocents, saying
"whoa whoa whoa, come on, not on Christmas."

Santa was born in March of 270 and died in 343 A.D., which may just be the biggest downer of a sentence imaginable. He lived as a Christian bishop in modern day turkey, and due to his talent for performing miracles, he became known as Nikolaos the Wonderworker. He was the "patron saint of sailors, merchants, archers, repentant thieves, children, pawnbrokers and students" according to Wikipedia, meaning he had a pretty wide range of people under his "perform miracles for these people" contract. How one could link students, repentant thieves and arches all in one is beyond me - save for perhaps those that robbed from the rich Robin Hood style to pay off their student loans. 

There were a number of legends that followed Santa. The one that links him to the modern day, Coca-Cola based version we all know and love was likely the story of him and the three poor daughters of a man that could not afford to give them a dowry. At first this sounds wonderfully like a delightful children's tale worthy of Santa, until you factor in that the daughters would likely have to become prostitutes in order to have enough wealth for anyone to bother marrying them. Anyways, where Santa comes in is he dropped off a number of gold pouches (one for each daughter) so they'd have enough money to pay for their dowry. He did this in the dead of night so they wouldn't have to be seen accepting charity. One version of the story has him place the gold in socks that are hung over the embers of a fire to dry them, but how that could possibly relate to modern day Santa stories is beyond me. I mean, we use a washer dryer here... silly Greeks and their stories.

Apparently, this is a companion of the Dutch Santa,
Sinterklaas. Uh... he probably drops coal in stockings or something.

Apparently Santa was really big with sailors, and actually seen as somewhat of a Christian Poseidon. One such story that highlights this is during a famine in Myra. There were sailors ready to bring some grain over to the Byzantine kingdom, but the citizens where they ported were in much greater need for the wheat. Santa promised the sailors it wouldn't be a problem if he took some to feed them, although they were worried they would come up short in the weight count upon their delivery, marking them as thieves. However, when they arrived, they found the weight to be spot on. A Christmas miracle! So when you can't think of a gift to give someone, just go all historical on them and give them a few stalks of wheat. If they complain, guilt them through the collective pain and hunger of the people in Myra circa 300 AD. That'll show 'em.

There's one last legend of Santa that's really quite... well, I don't know. It's something. It's definitely something. It tells the tale of a butcher, possibly during the same famine, that was running out of food. He lured three children into his house where he promptly murdered them and placed them in barrels to sell them as ham. However, Santa Claus found this out and resurrected the dismembered children who presumedly suffered no emotional after effects of their murder and subsequent rebirth.Yeah... so... Christmas ham, anyone? No?

Well, I guess this isn't the modern Santa anyways. Much of that section comes from Odin anyways, and the Germanic pagan event of Yule... oh boy. One such idea is the sleigh of reindeer similar in nature to the "wild hunt" of Odin, a ghostly group of horses that march through the sky. I threw a picture of them below. How would you like them coming through your chimney? 

I think I'll stick with the Coca-Cola Santa. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Pictured: Dasher, Comet, Blitzen, angry
topless women with spears, Cupid, Dancer.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white." Megyn Kelly on Fox News, demonstrating what Fox News does best.
2. "I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking, you'll be coughing up diamonds!." - Futurama's Robot Santa
3. "I'm Santa Claus." -Santa, from the 1985 film "Santa Claus"

Berlin Wall

The logo for the Eastern Bloc. The shaking
hands are notably not east and west Germans.

Finally, a topic that I at least knew something about. Not a lot mind you, but better than what I normally have as a starting point for these blogs. From what I knew beforehand; the Berlin Wall was put up between East and West Germany during the Cold War, and... wackiness ensued. I blame my ignorance on my crappy education. I thought it was about time to do something a little more modern as the majority thus far have been before the days of television (as significant a chronological marker as anything I know). That aside, it's time to dive right in.

Post WWII, Germany was split up by the allied powers in an effort to prevent them from remobilizing. The eastern side was under the control of the Soviets while the western portion was under control of the  French, Brits and Americans. Meanwhile, Stalin had a decent buildup of countries under his influence, called the Eastern Bloc; Russia led the charge with Hungary, Poland and Czechoslovakia by her side. West Germany fell under the name the Federal Republic of Germany with the east named the German Democratic Republic. However, calling them by east and west seems the much easier route, and thus the one I'm certain to take.

I guess the holes in the wall
were bigger than you would imagine.

The two sides quickly began to represent the styles of the opposing factions of the Cold War; the Russian side was their own land but secretly under Soviet rule, and the west was being run under a western world style capitalist economy (one that flourished). Due to the better economy, the split German populace began to swing more towards the west, bringing with it a brain drain on the east through a number of defecting scholars, students and other people associated with smart things. Wishing to keep the larger brained individuals in their land, the Soviets created a system of border checks to prevent east Germans from crossing over to the "dark side" of non-communist run countries. To allow easterners over to see their families while still keeping their lives within their borders, the Russians decided to set up visitations through applying for Visas to swing over to the western side of the country. Over time the restrictions began to become stronger and stronger until it felt like the only way to keep the sides separated was a massive physical barrier.

Like a wall or something. The purpose of the wall according to the eastern side was to prevent fascist ideas from spreading over to their lands. The eastern side began building the Berlin Wall and shut off eastern Germans visiting the western side entirely, enforced through a line of soldiers with strict instructions to kill those that try to cross if need be. During this time, the economy on the Soviet side actually began to grow, but people being shot for trying to cross a border and schools indoctrinating children in the ways of Leninism and Marxism tends to put a damper on the whole public relations experience. During the creation and standing of the wall at least one hundred were killed in trying to cross over.

A east German border guard heroically prancing over the
line before the wall was put up.

The eventual falling of the wall seems to be more of a steady process more than a single, glorious event. In fact, the beginning fallings of the wall centred around a few legal loopholes and a few communication screw ups. The first of which was Hungary finding a way to briefly disable the border defences with Austria allowing 13,000 east Germans through, eventually finding their way to the west German embassy and not being too keen on crossing back over to Soviet controlled territory. Sometime afterwards, the Soviet side held a press conference that, through a hilarious number of mix ups and poor communication they slipped up and said the borders were no longer all shut up. Naturally, excited throngs of people stormed the gates. The guards, unable to hold back that many people, not to mention they weren't entirely too sure what the heck was going on either, finally let the east Germans through with little in the way of identity checks. They were met with booze and good cheer, as all good things should be.

In 1989 the wall starting being literally chipped away. Members on both sides would chop chunks off of it and start sneaking through the holes. The forces protecting the wall were slimmed down, travel back and forth became easier, and new crossings were opened up. It just wasn't viable to keep it separated anymore. When east Germany adopted west German currency border controls essentially halted, although the border was pretty much worthless by that point. It was a slow deterioration that culminated into the eventual destruction of the wall. So down it went. Off to the Cuban Missile Crisis!

The Bulin Wall, on the other hand, was taken down by a number of hockey players over the years, as well as a drunk driving charge.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "Wall of shame..." The nickname used by the west German mayor Willy Brandt in regards to the Berlin Wall. Wait... hold on... Willy Brandt? The west German mayor? Oh... he was born Herbert Frahm. That sounds more like it.
2. "The Wall certainly ought not to be a permanent feature of the European landscape. I see no reason why the Soviet Union should think it is - it is to their advantage in any way to leave there that monument to Communist failure." -Dean Rusk, Secretary of State. The president shortly after remarked; "oh, snap!". 
3. "Do not hesitate to use your firearm, not even when the border is breached in the company of women and children, which is a tactic the traitors have often used." This was a document sent to the soldiers on the border, one of those times that a Soviet license to kill was not from a Bond film.
4. "I'm not here for or against any government. I've come to play rock 'n' roll for you in the hope that one day all the barriers will be torn down." Bruce Springsteen played a concert for the Germans. I don't have much to add to this, I just thought it was kinda cool. 
5. "All free men, wherever they may live, are citizens of Berlin, and therefore, as a free man, I take pride in the words 'Ich bin ein Berliner!'" Hear that?! Kennedy's a German! Conspiracy!!!

Ottoman Empire

The shield for the Ottoman dynasty. It's got a lot
going on.

I had to read up on the Ottoman empire for two reasons: 1. I have recently taken up Age of Empires 2 again and teutonic knights were slaughtering me, sparking an interest in the Turks who I had mistakenly thought they were a part of. 2. I know absolutely nothing about the Ottoman empire, as shamelessly displayed by my initial search for teutonic knights in Turkey. Regardless of how I got here, the following chronicles the Ottoman empire's rise and fall in the abridged and somewhat factual manner that is typical of this blog.

While I'm sure some historian would slap me in the face for this, the Ottoman empire was essentially modern day Turkey - well, at least started there, as you can't really call yourself an empire if you're not wildly taking over other places. The conquest of Constantinople (one of the many of history) in 1453 is what officially gave it the empire status. Apparently, the ruler at the time of the taking of the city was only 21 years old, which sparks a number of deep, personal questions about the life choices of my 22 year old self.

A depiction of the Battle of Nicopolis.
I would like to point out the guy lying down
near the bottom of the picture. I find him hilarious.

There was a lot of buildup before the taking of Constantinople, of course. Don't forget that it's a city historically difficult to take, and paradoxically, always being taken over. Around the time when the Ottoman power really began to take hold, about two hundred years before the taking of the city, they were extending their rule over the eastern Mediterranean as well as venturing into the Balkans. Defeating Bursa, a significant holding of Byzantine power in what would currently be northwestern Turkey (believe me, I looked it up on a map!) meant greatly diminished power for the opposing Byzantine force. They also took Kosovo, ending a threat from the Serbians in the area. The Battle of Nicopolis served as the last major crusade of the middle ages. All in all, the Ottomans were rollin'. They were expanding their territory, were frequently successful in battle, and took over much of the Balkans while pushing the Byzantine forces back to Constantinople and the surrounding areas.

They had a few minor problems along the way though, mostly with civil war and all. A Turkish Mongolian leader, Timur, invaded Anatolia (just know it's a place in Turkey) and defeated Bayezid I, the reigning sultan. However, when Timur established Mehmed Celebi as sultan, his brothers refused to recognize him. Civil war was the result, and while Mehmed eventually won out, they lost a great deal of territory and grew significantly weaker. This was only a temporary setback though, and Murad II restored much of the previously lost land in about twenty to fourty years, depending on which city is in question. Unfortunately, when detailing the history of an empire in a short blog post, names such as the ones mentioned in this paragraph seem to be glossed over. I'm sure they had much greater significance than I'm demonstrating here, but... I'm not reading a wiki page for every freaking battle that took place. That's for actual historians, not those of the idiot variety.

Eventually, in what must have seemed like a long awaited invasion for those poor Byzantine, Mehmed II (son of Murad II, which, again, I'm sure holds significance) conquered Constantinople. This marked a new age for the Ottoman empire; their economy flourished due to the overland trade route they possessed between Asia and Europe, as well as effective sultans running the show. In warfare they fared no worse, defeating Persia, ruling some of Egypt and going toe to toe with the powerful Portuguese, known back then for more than just their soccer playing ability.

Suleiman the Magnificent; if the size of the
headgear corresponds to his quality as a
leader then he has well earned his title.

Arguably the greatest sultan was Suleiman the Magnificent, who must have been effective because of one, he's called "the Magnificent" and isn't a circus performer, and two, he is a playable ruler in Civilization V, something which proves indefinitely you were a big deal in the political/ruling elite/empire world Suleiman captured Belgrade, conquered much of Hungary, messed up Vienna, took Baghdad, gained control of Mesopotamia and joined with the French to oppose Habsburg rule (a leader of Europe, a royal house or something of that variety). At the end of his reign, 15,000,000 people were in his empire, stretching over three continents with the backing of a powerful naval force. He left the empire pretty well settled.

Unfortunately, things started going downhill for the Ottomans after his departure. The more Western Europeans began to take over in military technology and other discoveries as the Ottomans started to put more emphasis on religion, much as the Europeans had done prior to the Renaissance. They didn't quite have the same dominant power they held before, and falling behind in science can really hit an empire where it hurts. Regardless, they were still a powerful expansionist power, right up until the Battle of Vienna. They fought the Romans, longtime enemies of the Ottomans, and the lost marked the sharp decline of their civilization. Afterwards, a number of smaller wars were lost, and despite brief recaptures, a second Ottoman siege of Vienna spelled the decline. The treaty of Karlowitz marked a resignation of much of their land over to the Holy Roman Empire and a few others. Oh, and the bustling economy from trade routes to Asia? New maritime ones were found that no longer required Ottoman trade. Basically, they were a schoolyard bully who fought a larger bully who then took his swing-set. While he was down, some other kids took his lunch-money. That entirely pointless metaphor sums it up quite well I hope.

After some hindered attempts at reform (religious groups still caused some trouble there) the Ottoman empire continued to decline. With a reliance on the rest of the continent for money, the once mighty empire was deemed the "sick man" of Europe, coughing and wheezing over to collapse. They took part in World War 1, which is amazing to think that the Ottoman empire was actually there as the name holds such a "middle ages" feel to it. Anyways, after WW1 the empire was officially split up, creating the modern Arab world and the Republic of Turkey.

The Ottoman name will be forever remembered through cheap purchases of furniture at Ikea.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "We have a sick man on our hands, a man gravely ill, it will be a great misfortune if one of these days he slips through our hands, especially before the necessary arrangements are made." This quote is attributed to Tsar Nicholas I of Russia, who must have been great fun at funerals and will readings. 

The Battle of Vimy Ridge

One of the strongest points of Canadian pride in my mind is our accomplishments in the World Wars. We didn't have the highest numbers of soldiers, but our men fought exceptionally bravely and seemed to repeatedly do the impossible. Due to our fighting strength and bravery, many would say Canada went into the war as a piece of Britain ownership and came out as a sovereign country. In honour of Remembrance Day, this blog will be written about the battle of Vimy Ridge, one of the most memorable moments in Canadian war history. 

The actual battle took place between April 9-12 in 1917. The Germans held the high ground on a long cliff, seven kilometres in length rising gradually, in France. At the apex, the Germans held an unobstructed view of a vast portion of the land. It was a German stronghold, heavy with fortifications and critical in the plans to take win the war on the western front - the Nivelle Offensive needed the taking of Vimy Ridge to allow for a southern flank that would be undisturbed by artillery fire from above. 

The Allies had already tried to Vimy Ridge twice; the French were the first to lose when they attacked in the Second Battle of Artois. They briefly captured the territory but due to a lack of reinforcements and supplies they were unable to hold the line. They tried once more sometime afterwards, but were again unsuccessful. In the battles for Vimy, the French lost over 100,000 casualties in their attempts to control the ridge and the territory surrounding it. 

The Canadian attack plan...
Uh... it's in there somewhere.

The British were the second to make an attempt. They were called in due to German tunnellers setting off explosives to damage French positions near the ridge. The Royal Engineers (I'm pretty sure Britain just puts "Royal" in front of everything to show it's theirs) deployed their own tunnellers in an attempt to counteract the Germans. However, artillery and mortar fire sent them scrambling, and a German assault forced them out. As a result, the Germans captured a number of previously British controlled tunnels that were constructed shortly before. 

This is when Canada comes in. Britain and France, unable to take Vimy, had to call in their kid to take care of business. Sir Julian Byng, governor general of Canada at the time, took over operations and for the first time in Canadian history had all four divisions of Canada's forces working on the same operation. Augmented by the British artillery, engineers and resources, the Canadian Corps had 170,000 men under their control, 97,184 of which were Canadian. France provided their support in terms of knowledge they have gained through attacking Vimy Ridge previously - how the territory looks, where the trenches are, and so forth; basically what to expect when the battle took place. 

Eyesight wasn't as good back then, so maps, like this
one demonstrating the trenches of Vimy,
had to be pretty big. 

The plan heavily relied on speed. The idea was to "leapfrog" their forces one after another in order to be consistently attacking, leaving no time for the German forces to properly cover their retreat as they were pushed back. They also planned to use the idea of "creeping artillery", which meant consistently bringing the artillery at hand closer to the line and moving step by step up the ridge, clearing a path for the ground forces to advance. The plan was to move 4,000 yards by 1:00 p.m. on the first day, starting around dawn (about 5:30 a.m.). This required a massive amount of artillery and a complex plan of attack. Small units were important, as the idea of firing and moving forward was integral to the plan of attack. The planning for the battle was immense: large practice battles using hills for cover and men on horses holding flags to mark artillery movements were used to give an idea on how the battle was to go forth. A large number of maps were also given out to even somewhat low ranking officers to allow them to understand not only their objectives, but their role in the mission as a whole. The German defensive planned to have a sufficient force to stem the initial force and have reinforcements replace them from a fair distance away, allowing their men to not be consistently affected by the loud pounding of the artillery fire. 

You don't mess with Byng. The majority of the
Allies' artillery fire was attributed to his stare alone.

On March 20th, the attack commenced - sort of. The idea is not to simply run face-first into the battle, and a lot of preliminary assaults had to be made. For two weeks, allied artillery bombed the defences, destroying fortifications, trenches and any number of German holdouts to begin to level the surface to make for an easier assault. The following week even more artillery was brought in for what would be called the "Week of Suffering" for the German defences. The trenches were ravaged, and the morale of the defending soldiers was depleting. Having to be on high alert mixed with the physical trauma of consistent bombing took its toll. After these many days of almost constant artillery bombardments, the final step was about to take place. 

On April 9th the main assault began. The weather was cold, with a wind paired with snow. While it was uncomfortable for both sides, the attacking side benefited more due to the direction of the wind - the wind was at the backs of the allies, meaning it was blowing in the faces of the German troops. That, and the forces were mostly made up of Canadians - the majority of our life is completed while cold. That meant that the planned assault was surely to continue, as it had already been delayed for a day due to unrelated reasons. For the first time in what must have seemed like ages, the artillery stopped for a moment. However, this was hardly a reprieve, as the purpose of the sudden quiet was not to let up, but rather to gather the artillery for a combined assault, rather than consistent, spread out firing. At exactly 5:30, the weapons fired together, as well as detonating the mine charges that the British had placed earlier. After the artillery had sufficiently dismantled the defences, the first wave of Canadians poured through. The swiftness of the assault prevented the Germans from properly reacting effectively, and the first day of the assault was mostly successful, save for Canada's fourth division. They had requested a portion of the trench be left undamaged, I assume to use it when the land was taken by their troops, but the plan backfired heavily. The defences, undisturbed by the siege, killed many of the attackers and the defending forces held until they were out of ammunition. 

Either an exploding mortar, or a Canadian soldier
punching the ground due to frustrations of not taking
Vimy fast enough.

The following day the attacks began in much the same manner, with the creeping artillery moving ever forward and dismantling the defences as they pressed up the hill. The idea of leapfrogging began as British troops reinforced the Canadians to propel themselves faster into position, overtaking the Germans before they could properly defend themselves in retreat. The peak was taken briefly, but a German counterattack brought it once again under their control. However, seeing as they would not be able to hold it, they evacuated. It was a successful day. 

April 12th was the final battle, after a one day delay at the request of the French. Gas was fired into the defences to cause confusion, and artillery continued to disrupt the defensive positions. The last bastion of defence was what was called the "pimple", a high-ground that was heavily fortified. Beginning the day at 5:00 a.m., the Allied forces took the ground at 6:00 p.m., winning the battle for Vimy Ridge. 

In the end, 3,598 of the victors were killed, with another 7,004 wounded. 4,000 German soldiers were taken prisoner. Four Canadians received the Victoria Crosses, the highest military award that can be given to the British and commonwealth forces for valour in the face of the enemy. The result was a strong sense of Canadian national unity, and many would argue that through the blood that was shed on Vimy Ridge, Canada became a country rather than a colony. Following the War, the French would grant use of the area to the Canadians to be made into a war memorial which still stands today. 

True north strong and free, man. True north strong and free.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "For most conspicuous bravery and devotion to duty in attack. On approaching the first objective, Pte. Milne observed an enemy machine gun firing on our advancing troops. Crawling on hands and knees, he succeeded in reaching the gun, killing the crew with bombs, and capturing the gun. On the line re-forming, he again located a machine gun in the support line, and stalking this second gun as he had done the first, he succeeded in putting the crew out of action and capturing the gun. His wonderful bravery and resource on these two occasions undoubtedly saved the lives of many of his comrades. Pte. Milne was killed shortly after capturing the second gun." William Johnstone Milne's military citation for his Victoria Cross. As true a Canadian hero as any. 
2. "A standard had been set in meticulous preparation, training and staff works, receptiveness to new techniques and [the embrace of] tactical innovations." Words of the biographer for Byng. 
3. "Lions led by donkeys." This was a phrase used to speak of the British generals leading the men in World War I. It's a darn good thing Canadians were there.

Tsar Nicholas II

While Tsardom (I'm so excited that's a word) officially ended in 1721, Russian autocrats, emperors, and what have you were still given the title of Tsar. Nicholas II was the last of these such rulers, his reign lasting from 1894-1917. Overall Russia under his leadership was... well, let's just say it got kinda rocky.
Nicholas II was born into the Romanov family, the then leading dynasty of Russia. He became Tsesarevich (essentially the heir) after his grandfather was assassinated. Thrown into the rather terrifying world of Russia at the beginning of the 20th century, he survived his own assassination attempt in 1891 in Japan. Right from the beginning, there were at least some people out for poor Nicky's head. From this brief introduction alone, I bet you can guess that the fate of this Tsar ends in blood. Probably some vodka as well, as it is Russia, after all.

The Tsar and his wife. She... she doesn't
look that into it.

However, being a young man, he had still a strong interest in the opposite sex despite people trying to kill him and whatnot. At his coming of age ceremony at the age of sixteen, he found himself interested in Alix of Hesse-Darmstadt - this is seemingly all well and good, but she was twelve, which makes it a little awkward looking back on it. Age wasn't what stood between them, though (although I'd understand if it did...) - the problem was Alix was a devout Lutheran and refused to convert to Nicholas' Russian Orthodoxy. He later proposed but she denied him, but was later convinced that it was her duty. Oh, young love.

The Tsar in power at the time and the father of Nicholas, Alexander III, was very sick during this period. It became apparent that soon the Tsardom will fall into the hands of Nicholas, despite the fact that he was rather ill-prepared. Alexander provided little guidance for the role, believing Nicholas to not yet be ready to take on responsibility while he was in good health. As a result, after Alexander's death, Nicholas was twenty six years old and horribly unprepared. Nicholas took the throne, and in spite of the lack of experience and responsibility in his life, he demanded full autocratic rule, denying any attempts at a constitutional monarchy that a number of peasants were suggesting. It's basically the same mentality for spoiled rich kids in modern day, except with pant-loads of power. Right from the coronation ceremony, things started going down hill for Russia.

If only the Tsar's leadership
was as high quality as his
moustache.

Through a ceremony held in the Kremlin, Nicholas became the Tsar officially. He held a festival with free food and beer some distance away in the Khodynka, a field outside Mosco. This seems all well and good, but there were some problems with the field - and the organization. The field was a training ground for the military, making it uneven and rocky. Unfortunately, not enough food or booze was brought to the ceremony - a cardinal sin for any party. This caused the 100,000 in attendance to really, really want their fair share of free food, resulting in 1,389 dead and 1,300 injured from trampling and suffocation in what is truly a low moment in human history when you get right down to it. In fairness to Nicholas II, he intended to may his respects to those who died but was called away to an important meeting with a French ambassador. Regardless, it reflected very poorly on him in the eyes of the public.

So day one for the new Tsar didn't start off so well, and in fact kicked off about as poorly as one could have ever expected. And if only it had stopped there... In all fairness, Russia is a very big country, and with big countries there's quite literally a lot more room for things to go wrong. Being big wasn't just enough either - Russia wanted to be bigger, and secure their footholds in the eastern portion of their land. Unfortunately, this was in opposition to the Japanese, who were much smaller but feisty like nobody's business. Japan wanted China and mainland Asia, and they wanted it badly enough to surprise attack the Russian military. The Russians called back their fleet (who was stationed around Europe at the time) and through a series of what wikipedia defines as "misadventures" their ships were annihilated. You see, being big isn't always a good thing - the ships were far, and the in the trip they were picked off by the Japanese and things went downhill. Sending units by land didn't help much either, as the transportation was poor as, lets not forget, Russia is freaking huge. The Tsar was eventually forced into calling for peace after a massive amount of losses in a terrible war. But things couldn't get much worse...

The most successful military campaign of Tsar Nicholas II:
the defeat of the peaceful protestors at Bloody Sunday.

...Except for when things got drastically worse. In 1905, a group consisting of 120,000 displeased but peaceful Russian protestors marched on the Winter Palace in an attempt to bring about some change in the way the country was being run. Apparently, they were actually singing hymns of "God save the Tsar" along the way, making it about as peaceful as a six figure mob can be. Fearing the worst, the military lined up and confronted the people. In a horrible event that killed 92 civilians and wounded several hundred, the military opened fire unprovoked. It would later be named "Bloody Sunday", after the song by U2 - or the other way around. Historians are uncertain.

Now, to continue this blog I have to make a point. The main purpose of these write-ups is to basically get the gist. It's not meant to be a flawless historical analysis of events, but instead a casual summary. Basically enough to answer a Jeopardy question if it comes along. While I plan on writing a blog just about why I blog these things, for now you simply need to know this - the next part is rather long and tedious, and I'm essentially taking a summary and summarizing on top of that. It's the gist of the gist.

The revolutions begin! There were a number of problems that led to the Russian Revolution of 1905 - the nationality problem, in the sense that the a number of the Tsar's anti-semetic attitudes caused some discontent among, well, the Jews. There was also severe famine which was in turn caused by a horrible economy due to the failure in the war - prices for food skyrocketed. The educated were also turning against the Tsar, and education typically goes hand in hand with power. The Tsar also introduced prohibition in an attempt to up patriotism and productivity for the war effort. However, this took a massive toll on the treasury as the alcohol could no longer be taxed. Also, you took away vodka from Russia - just not a good idea. All of these factors forced the Tsar into the creation of the Duma, basically an advisory board that introduced some basic civil liberties. However, lets not forget Nicholas really was stuck in the whole autocrat thing, so he had some issues with giving up the power to these Dumas. A number of them were made, a number dissolved, and... well, they were mostly unsuccessful, all in all.

To add to the increasingly self-destructive country, the world was on the brink of war. Despite both Germany and Russia not being particularly eager to fight each other (Russia being in horrifying disrepair and Germany not wanting to go to war with the sheer volume of soldiers at their disposal) Russia entered the war, woefully unprepared. While their armies numbered in the millions, a lack of supplies, poor transportation and what would soon be massive casualties caused increasing discontent in the people. They frequently lost battles to Germany, and their losses accounted for 1/3rd of the total military deaths in WW1.

 Demonstrating his leadership qualities
as the Tsar, Nicholas allowed this man,
Rasputin, near his wife and children.

At home the situation fared hardly better. Political unrest continued, and Nicholas II, near the warfront, was cut off from public opinion. On top of that, rumours were spread about the interference (and possible affair) of Alix with Grigori Rasputin. Rasputin. Rasputin became close with Alexandra after she became convinced he was a starets, meaning a mystic of some sorts, after his healing of their young hemophiliac heir to the throne. Rasputin later met his end at the hand of some Russian nobles, which seems to be one of few parts of his story that seems to be actually agreed upon by historians. The man is completely shrouded in mystery. He also seemed like kind of a pervert.

With the military poorly supplied (and rapidly dying), the economy in shambles and peaked political unrest, eventually the crap hit the fan. Everyone revolted, including the military, pillaging political buildings and torching police offices. In the wake of the revolution, Nicholas was finally forced to abdicate the throne. However, this wasn't just one of those cases where you say "well, I'm done and did a pretty crappy job, so I'll be walking out of here now." The Tsar cost the lives of hundreds of thousands of Russians, and the people wanted their vengeance. The Bolsheviks, essentially the working class of Russia, overthrew the impromptu provisional government created to temporarily replace Nicholas, and went out for blood. Eventually, they found the former Tsar and murdered him and the entire Romanov family.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "I want everyone to know that I will devote all my strength to maintain, for the good of the whole nation, the principle of absolute autocracy..." Oh boy. Let me paraphrase. "For your own good, I'm going to run things by myself.
2. "Difficult day! In St. Petersburg there were serious disturbances due to the desire of workers to get to the Winter Palace. The troops had to shoot in different places of the city, there were many dead and wounded. Lord, how painful and bad!" This is from the Tsar's diary after Bloody Sunday. 
3. "The innocent blood of workers, their wives and children lies forever between you and the Russian people... may all the blood which would be spilled fall upon you, you Hangman." The words of the leader of the Bloody Sunday protest. He as well believed it to be a "difficult day."
4. "God has seen your tears and heard your prayers. Do not grieve. The Little One will not die. Do not allow doctors to bother him too much." Rasputin, upon meeting the hemophiliac son of the Tsar.
5. "...The Presidium of the Ural Regional Soviet, fulfilling the will of the Revolution, resolved to shoot the former Tsar, Nikolai Romanov, who is guilty of countless, bloody, violent acts against the Russian people." Now that just about sums it up.

Cleopatra

I assume she looked better NOT as a statue.

I believe the name Cleopatra is fairly common. For the most part, people know she's Egyptian, lived a long time ago, walked like the people in those paintings, and was likely somewhat of a babe. I hardly knew much more than that either, and realistically I know hardly any more now - but, true to this blog's purpose, I know enough information that if a kid came up and asked me "hey, what the heck was Cleopatra all about?" I could give him a quick run-down on a few important things she did, hopefully opening the door for him to read more in depth on his own time. Good enough for me.

Anyways, like most leaders way back when, she came to power through lineage. Meritocracy wasn't really a thing back then. She came to power when she was only fourteen years old, the leadership falling to her and her younger, ten year old brother Ptolemy XIII through a number of deaths (assassinations, likely) that placed her as the next in line. At the time, Egyptian rulers were joint monarchs, one a man and one a woman, and the power was meant to be at least somewhat shared, although favouring the man.

Cleopatra, almost wearing a shirt.

The first three years of her rule were difficult; economic issues, a lack of food, the floods of the Nile and political strife plagued her lands, and in lack of a better term, crap was hitting the fan. She felt it was her time to really take control, not needing the help of her younger brother. She began to sign only her name on official documents and had her face on the coins - basically saying she was the one ruler. This was all well and good until the arguments that arose with the Gabiniani, Roman soldiers placed in Rome. At the time, Egypt was connected to the Roman Empire and had to bow down to their rule as they saw fit. The problems began to occur when the Roman governor of Syria sent his sons to ask for assistance in a war, which resulted in a very literal "killing the messenger" type response from the Gabiniani, despite the fact that they were Roman as well. Cleopatra got word of this, captured the murderers, and handed them over in chains to the governor. This, however, displeased Rome as locking up their soldiers, regardless of what cause, typically makes them a little cranky. The result was a fall from power for Cleopatra, forcing her to flee, leaving the power in Ptolemy XIII's small, childish hands.

During her absence, the civil war between Julius Caesar and Pompey was reaching its end. Pompey, having his armies defeated and thus on the run from Caesar, travelled to Egypt basically to lay low for a while and possibly rebuild. Expecting to be welcomed with open arms, being a Roman and all, he was most likely somewhat surprised when Ptolemy III had his head lopped off in front of his wife and kids. Now, the relationship with Caesar and Pompey was rather complicated - yes they were at war, but Caesar was traditionally quite merciful, and did not wish Pompey any harm. He was furious at the assassination at his friend (in all fairness, I wouldn't have guessed that either if I was Ptolemy III) and demanded that the murderer find the same beheaded fate as his dear, warring friend. Tensions were high between Ptolemy III and Caesar.

The death of Cleopatra. Her servants, evidently,
were shot. Dramatically. I believe this is the first
painted case of overacting. 

Cleopatra recognized the opportunity and decided to take advantage - she had herself smuggled into Caesar's chambers, apparently by being rolled up into a rug, and decided to, well, woo him. Caesar being a middle aged man and Cleopatra being young and all good looking and such, she quickly became his mistress. This was quite the scandal as Caesar was married back home. She eventually had a son with Caesar of which they named Caesarian, meaning "little Caesar". Aww... adorable. Having pleased Caesar in ways that Ptolemy just couldn't do, he decided to back Cleopatra's claim to the throne. In a war between the two previously joint monarchs, Ptolemy was defeated and left to drown in the Nile. Poor guy just had the wrong gender. As a result, she established Caesarian as her co-regent and successor to the throne.

Unfortunately for her, down went Caesar at the hands of Brutus and his crew way back in Rome. The result was a civil war (again) that led to the sides of Brutus and Mark Antony, with the backing of Octavian, the heir of Caesar, to war it out. Antony, stationing himself in Egypt, became quite taken with Cleopatra. She pledged loyalty to him, and gave birth to twins. This all occurred while Antony was married to Octavian's sister... whoops. Basically Cleopatra was in a lot of ways a home-wrecker. Naturally, this put a bit of stress on the relationship of Octavian and Antony, as cheating on one's sister is usually worthy of an argument or two - especially when he's so bloody brazen about it. Antony eventually married Cleopatra, and Octavian eventually went to war with Antony. Of course it was over a heck of a lot more than just Cleopatra, but she definitely played a part. Antony was eventually defeated, and knowing that, he committed suicide. Cleopatra followed suit, and the most likely manner in which she died was she allowed an asp to bite her. They're poisonous. I believe you most likely have figured that out.

 Since, Cleopatra has been modernized as a slutty costume for Halloween. A wonderful legacy.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "Her beauty, as we are told, was in itself not altogether incomparable, nor such as to strike those who saw her; but converse with her had an irresistible charm, and her presence, combined with the persuasiveness of her discourse and the character which was somehow diffused about her behaviour towards others, had something stimulating about it. There was sweetness also in the tones of her voice; and her tongue, like an instrument of many strings, she could readily turn to whatever language she pleased..." This is from Plutarch, a Greek historian. Uh... I guess he's saying she wasn't that hot, but had a charm about her. 
2. "Cleopatra's nose, had it been shorter, the whole face of the world would have been changed." The words of a French theologian, saying if her face was a different face the face of the world would be a different face.
3. "All strange and terrible events are welcome; but comforts we despise, our size of sorrow; proportion'd to our cause, must be great." From the play Antony and Cleopatra. Even the great Egyptian leader is not immune to the boredoms of Shakespeare. 

The Boxer Rebellion

The Boxer Rebellion is two things; one, a violent anti-foreigner movement in China circa around 1900, and two, an incredible band. Today I'll be talking about the former.

The Boxer Rebellion event, while not as musically talented, was an opposition to foreign imperialism and Christian meddling towards China and its people. Basically, the big European powers along with the United States wanted to run China, and the Chinese started to get a little sick and tired of, you know, having unequal treatment in regards to laws, having opium ruin their country, losing their religion, and having foreigners take over everything that's theirs. This is nothing new - the powers that be have already been working away at the sovereignty of China for quite some time now. While I cannot personally understand what got them so worked up, the fact of the matter is they revolted.

A French political cartoon of the invading
forces dividing China. They are also
made to look hilariously like their
stereotypical racial appearances.

The Boxers did not refer to themselves by that name. They were actually called the Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists, a clearly Chinese name that was somewhat of a secret, underground society of men growing increasingly discontent with the powers of imperialism. Adding the natural disasters and brutal drought that happened around the same time, they reached the breaking point and began to violently rebel against the soldiers of the imposing countries as well as the Christian missionaries that upset them through what I can only assume was constantly reminding them eternal damnation is the result of not accepting Christ. In all fairness, hearing that all the time quickly becomes a downer, I would assume. These Boxers were already spiritual as is - in fact, they believed they possessed the supernatural ability to be invulnerable to cannon fire, rifles and knives. This was most likely due to the fact that the men killed by cannon fire, rifles and knives could not report back to inform them of their deaths.

Before things really took off, Empress Dowager Cixi officially had the policy of suppressing the Boxer movement. The Boxers had been taking shots at Christian churches and leaders here and there, but nothing too substantial as of yet. The Empress had to make a decision (along with the Imperial Court); support the Boxers in an attempt to maintain sovereignty in the country, or attempt to maintain peace by working with the foreign powers. Cixi and the court ruled to back the Boxers, much to the displeasure of the invading forces. The result was a rapid spread of the Boxer movement, killing many freshly converted Chinese Christians, intimidating Chinese officials and burning churches. The foreign response was sending a number of soldiers to Beijing to defend - four hundred soldiers from eight countries rushed in. In retrospect, four hundred doesn't really sound like all that many considering China is kinda big with a lot of people.

Troops from (left to right) Britain, U.S., Australia,
British India, Germany, France, Austria-Hungary, Italy and
Russia. Just kidding, the last guy is from Japan. The Russian
must have been in the bathroom or something.

Tensions mounted even higher as time went on. More people were killed on both sides, everyone was angry and the Empress declared war on all foreign powers. The Chinese loyalists (I think you can call them that. Basically the non-Christian-converted Chinese Boxers) attacked the legation quarter of Beijing, basically where the foreigners lived. A small number of French and Italian soldiers, some priests, and (most importantly) 3,200 Chinese Catholics successfully defended the quarter against a large number of attackers.

However, the rest of the converted Chinese did not fare so well. The Boxers annihilated Christians throughout China, arguably the worst event being the Taiyuan massacre. Fourty four foreigners, including women and children, were murdered. Over time the killings continued and the protestant dead were later named the China Martyrs of 1900.

Italian soldiers wearing ponchos and ridiculously goofy hats,
hanging around in China.

In response, the allied forces send in a much larger contingent of soldiers to quell the rebellion. The countries of Austria-Hungary, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Russia, the U.K. and the U.S. all worked together to secure the country that was in complete disarray. It was then occupied for roughly a year, but a dark spot in history it surely was. Atrocities and looting was rampant, each of the invading countries saying the others were committing the worst of these crimes. To add insult to injury, China had to pay a large sum in reparations to the countries that would be splitting their land up on their whim.

In a nutshell, the rebellion was a failure. This begs the question then, how is China a sovereign country and not divided up between the eight invaders? Well, in short, they decided the easiest and most effective way to govern China was through the Chinese dynasties instead of directly dealing with the Chinese people. I suppose over time the power just wained, but that'll be some research for another time.

I guess the Society of Righteous and Harmonious Fists simply would have been better if they used more guns.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "Support the Qing, exterminate the foreigners!" This was the rallying cry of the Boxers, the Qing being the then leading Chinese dynasty.
2. "Take away your missionaries and your opium and you will be welcome." Well, "welcome" may be somewhat of a stretch, but... you get the idea.
3. "The whole country is swarming with hungry, discontented, hopeless idlers." An American speaking to Washington soon after the Empress' initial plans on supporting the Boxers officially.
4. "The conduct of the Russian soldiers is atrocious, the French are not much better, and the Japanese are looting and burning without mercy." I was pretty serious when I said it was a dark spot in history.

Genghis Khan

(Note: The information in this one I learned mostly from the book "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World".)

Genghis didn't allow paintings
or drawings of himself, so
the depictions of him were done
after his death. Personally, I like to believe
he looked a lot cooler than this.

You hear the name Genghis Khan and typically the first idea that comes up is a bloodthirsty, vicious barbarian. Well, that's a half truth. He certainly had his moments of savagery, and under his rule countless thousands of people died, but he wasn't as barbaric as some would think. In fact, he was one of the greatest rulers the world has ever seen, and he came from about as low on the totem pole as you could go. He was truly an absolutely brilliant strategist, political mind and forward thinker, eventually becoming one of the most powerful men who has ever lived. His story is filled with victory after victory and consistent quality of life improvements for his people. In Mongolia, Genghis Khan's memory is treated practically like a god, and heck, they really have every reason to do so.

 Genghis Khan's name was Temujin, finding his title he will be better known for much later in his life. He was born into at the time what was a typical Mongolian story - he was part of a nomadic tribe constantly warring with other tribes (although by that I mean mostly just hit and run attacks that steal some women and goods). Friends with another tribe, he was set to marry Borte, a childhood friend of his who would stick with him the rest of his life. He was also the son of the chieftain, an important position but one that would cause great turmoil in his life. His father died at an early age, leaving Temujin to take over his role - unfortunately, this happened pretty early in his life. His tribe could hold no respect or take orders from someone as young as he was, and he and his mother, along with his older siblings, were banished. Now, banishment is pretty rough back in the day. His mother was forced to feed off berries and rats and whatever she could forage for her and her kin. She had no tribe to fall back on, no support, and living in constant fear of some tribe deciding that this banished woman would be useful target practice. Nevertheless, she persevered and kept the family running. However, Temujin wasn't overly fond of the family dynamic. Older siblings in Mongolian culture basically run the show of the younger ones; if he says jump, they jump. Unfortunately for his older brother, he did not know he was dealing with what would one day be someone considered kind of a big (and terrifying) deal. Temujin murdered his brother, presumedly making for a very awkward family brunch the next morning.

That's better. He looks way cooler now.

With the older brother out of the way, things were looking up for our would-be murderous leader. He met with a tribe living close by and befriended Jamukha, a man whom he became intensely close with and they would be exceptionally good friends right up until the time they became fierce and bitter rivals wanting to kill each other. But that didn't happen for a while, as Temujin had his next trial coming right at him... literally, in the form of raiding horsemen. Temujin was captured and forced to live in slavery for most likely what is close to about a decade. A man eventually released him against the orders of his tribe, causing Temujin to make a harrowing escape and returning back to his family once again. He then sought out Borte, neither of whom forgetting about the other despite the length of time between their last visit (long distance relationships were also difficult at the time). He then married Borte, solidifying a relationship between his and her tribe.

He then participated in what was typical Mongolian life at the time - raiding enemy tribes, stealing items and taking their possessions, both goods and women. It was basically an endless system - they would rarely fight and the men would typically just flee on horseback, and eventually the attacked tribe would counterattack and break somewhat even. It was endless; no one really grew to be any great power, and life was stagnant. Temujin didn't approve of this system and sought to change it for the better. Instead of killing enemy tribes, he integrated them. He would take orphans from tribes he defeated as his sons, and would show some degree of mercy towards them, offering them to join under his rule. He would give position to men based not on family ties or by which tribe they were born into but instead through merit and loyalty. His family traditionally did not receive the best treatment, but instead were regular people in his forces with maybe a slight nod to the bloodline now and then. Through integrating with the tribes, he began to grow in power.

Jamukha (if you're too lazy to scroll up, this was his childhood buddy) became displeased with his newfound power and method of ruling. He and Temujin fought a number of small skirmishes and outright wars between them, with Temujin eventually coming out on top. In an early showing of his cunning military strategy, he would sometimes have his men create multiple fires when setting up camp in sight of the enemy, making them believe they had many more men than they actually did. This caused some men to defect to their side, bolstering their forces while weakening the enemy. After defeating Jamukha, he offered peace between them, saying there was still a kinship between them. Jamukha agreed, but said that there was only to be one ruler, and he then could not live as it would be disruptive to that rule. Temujin, with heavy heart, killed Jamukha.

Just look at how much he took over. This is his territory at
the time of his death. It makes Hitler and the Roman
Empire both look like chumps.

...Not so heavy as to slow down his growing power, though. With the defeat of his old friend, Temujin had done the impossible, and united the warring tribes of Mongolia under one banner. He now had a powerful army, and one that would be trained incredibly well using a series of maneuvers that would be performed exclusively on horseback. He carried no infantry in his army, and had an incredibly mobile and fast attack force. They had such a high volume of horses that he often would have his men bring multiple to switch them out at times of warfare to keep them from getting tired. He also brought no supply train, a unique idea, but instead had the live animals follow his army, once again allowing for speed and mobility.

With a force of well trained horsemen at his side, he set his sights to the south and southwest of his territory, a number of cities along the silk road that had numerous luxury goods that Mongolia simply did not have. These cities, however, posed a new, previously unseen problem for the Mongol horde. Walls. The Mongols were not really big on buildings, being a nomadic people, and were completely new to siege warfare. Regardless, Temujin (now given the title of Genghis Khan, basically meaning 'strong ruler') quickly adapted to the new challenge. For one city, he actually diverted the river to flood the city and its inhabitants. For another, he began to build and utilize siege weapons he had discovered from previous attacks. During one assault, he used the brilliant tactic of feigning a hasty retreat leaving a number of the supplies and goods of the Mongols behind. The city guards then went to take the spoils, but were surprise attacked by flanking Mongol horsemen who eagerly ran into the newly opened city walls. He was proving to be an unstoppable, brilliant tactician.

Traditionally, Genghis would enter a city and slaughter the soldiers that stood against him, along with members of the aristocracies that he believed may attempt to rise up against him. The ones he would keep, however, were the men and women who provided some variety of useful service - scholars, engineers, miners and the like that the Mongols had few of. They were integrated into the culture and treated as equals. His raids were wildly successful and his losses very low. There were proving to be few that could stand in his way.

He's on their $1000 bill. Or whatever they call
dollars there. I'm not really sure. Either way,
it's a big number and his face is on it.

Setting his eyes westward to the Khwarezmian Dynasty, he approached with trade in mind. You see, Genghis would not likely attack a city completely by surprise. He would offer their surrender in which he would (honestly) not kill a soul. Problems arose if they didn't take their offer as they would never really get a second one - once you deny the terms, you're done. This time he sent an envoy with a number of costly trade goods to the king of the Khwarezmian Dynasty. Unfortunately for the dynasty (and the envoy) they separated their heads from their body and their goods from the Mongols. Naturally, Genghis Khan was quite upset, which traditionally did not work out very well for those that caused that feeling in him. He then annihilated the cities, allowing some citizens to escape to spread fear of the Mongols to other cities. Genghis Khan effectively used this as propaganda, encouraging stories of atrocities by their armies to weaken the resolve of the enemy cities. However, the Mongols never tortured or caused any unnecessary, excess pain. There was a lot of death, but the deaths were swift. His victories were swift and effective, making him and his empire so incredibly rich that he literally had too many goods to spread around. In a first for him and his culture, they built permanent buildings to house the many spoils of war. Suddenly, Genghis Khan has territory, an unstoppable army, and the love of his people. And he was freaking loaded.

Next up on the chopping block was Russia, a country he sent 20,000 soldiers led by two trusted generals to take. They sent word to a number of Russian princes who knew little of the Mongolian prowess in warfare. The European armies, along with Russia, mostly were composed of foot soldiers and knights that were loaded up in heavy armour. Once again, the Mongols used the retreating tactics and mobility to lure the Russians towards them. Thinking they had them defeated, the Russians chased the Mongols. Genghis Khan allowed them to close but never within striking distance. The fastest Russians were soon separated, and once the forces were spread, the Mongols let loose with a volley of arrows that had greater range than the European bows. On foot and lower in numbers, with their cavalry now exhausted from the horses carrying the heavy armour, they were forced into retreat - running headlong into the advancing, slower forces from before, causing tremendous confusion. Hardly any Mongolians were killed and the Russians were absolutely destroyed, hunted down easily one by one.

Sometime after, Genghis Khan attempted to lay down the law in regards to succession to his throne. By now, he was exceptionally old. This was an issue that was put off for quite some time, as the Mongols, oddly enough, didn't really like to chat about death. Naming an heir to the throne meant the death of the ruler, and that discussion was somewhat taboo. He attempted to set up which of his sons would take his role, but there was intense disagreement within his family and ultimately the cause of the end of the Mongolian empire. They just couldn't last without him. Nowadays, he's an absolute hero for his incredible reign in Mongolia and the numerous outlying areas he took over with ease.

He had a Khan do attitude.

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "I am the punishment of God... If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you." Genghis Khan was actually really big on religious freedom. His homeland was filled with Christians, Muslims and others. When raiding some of the European countries, he was seen as a punishment for the sins they had committed.
2. "The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters." I like this quote because he most likely didn't say it. It was attributed to him long after his death, and goes to show just how varied the interpretations on his rule were (and are).