Magellan's Voyage: Part 7 - Coming Home

One must wonder how the remaining sailors felt when they had their spices and sailed for home. On one hand they had their bounty; they were packed to the nines with spices and had succeeded in their mission. On the other, they had a long stretch to go back home and upon their return their reception was questionable at best. Adding an extra element in the mix were the guys that way back in the day  sailed back after performing a mutiny. These sailors returned and bad-mouthed Magellan relentlessly, and since he was a man of Portuguese descent it was believed pretty quickly. Magellan's choices may yet have the remaining crew face treason charges if the mutineers are to be believed, and treason in the 1500s is treated about as well as one would expect. Either way, the stakes were high; best case, a king's ransom, worst case, lengthy jail-time or worse.

The whole route! I once took a long plane trip, and while I don't believe
I deserve as much credit as Magellan, I believe I deserve more than
I've been given.

Unfortunately for them their options were fairly limited. It was either go home or stay on the water, and they wisely chose the former. The Victoria (keep in mind the Trinidad, the other remaining boat, was still docked for repairs) sailed for nine weeks until they reached the Cape of Good Hope at the southernmost tip of Africa. Sadly, these are notoriously difficult to navigate waters seeing as they're cold and exceedingly windy, and coupled with the fact that they are literally years into the expedition at this point it's safe to assume the men were pretty tuckered out. It took multiple attempts to finally get the right time and angles to round the cape. While they eventually succeeded it came at a heavy cost; the men had not taken on fresh water and were quite literally dying of thirst.

Meanwhile, the Trinidad was faring little better, having left three months after Victoria. In an ill-advised plan to take their boat northeast in a direction sort-of towards Japan believing there would be

Antonio Pigafetta, the man who wrote
the journal most of this info is based on.
It's a darn good thing he survived or else
we wouldn't know most of it. Perhaps
large neck rings protect you from scurvy.

a connection to North America, they quickly became both lost and scurvy-ridden. Thirty men would die on the boat leaving only twenty on the Trinidad remaining. After seven months of fruitless searching they decided to return to the Moluccas, the Spice Islands. Adding insult to injury they found little respite. The Portuguese had returned to trade and found the sick and downtrodden Spaniards. They quickly arrested the men and confiscated the ship which collapsed in the harbour, ending the expedition for those remaining sailors.

But the Victoria wasn't done - not yet. They stopped off briefly on the west coast of Africa but through a stroke of bad luck ran into a Portuguese trading party. Bear in mind once more the Treaty of Tordesillas, as they were not allowed to be there for it was Portuguese territory. While they arrested some of the men not all of them went on shore, allowing twenty-two to continue the trip. Yes, that's just twenty-two - of the original 260.

For those remaining it was the final stretch. They had seen a lot; 60,000 miles (fifteen times longer than Columbus' trip), a vast variety of native tribes, fought in battles, found new species of animals, witnessed torture, tried a number of exotic fruits (and women), survived horrible diseases and spent a stunning three years at sea. But they made it. On September 10th, 1522, a battered and broken eighteen men returned home. Plus, they came back with 52,000 pounds of cinnamon and cloves. I suppose that's worth mentioning. I guess they had some extra room on board considering pretty much everyone else was killed.

So, how'd they do now that they're back? Well, it's a mixed bag. The guys that mutinied were absolved as most of the crew decided it was the safest route to all stay on one side of the issue and often falsely disparage Magellan. Those that bad-mouthed him were given loads of money and all the

Sir Francis Drake. Because when you hear
of torture, disease and death, there'll always
be some dude who says "sweet, my turn!".

respect that brings; a coat of arms, a mansion and the respect and admiration of Spain. The Magellan loyalists, meanwhile, often got jailed - but only for a time. Now, you would think they would never want to set foot on a boat again but it must have been in their blood. Many ended up returning to sail anyway, a surprising choice considering they had enough adventure for multiple lifetimes.

So what, then, is Magellan's legacy? It's strange. It seems that no matter what time he's in he's not getting what he deserves. In his time he was seen as a dishonest, poor-quality captain who didn't live to see the completion of his voyage - the former likely false, the latter true. Today, he's often seen as a good captain that was the first to sail around the world - the former likely true, the latter false. In my mind, the truth falls in that he shouldn't have the credit for the full-world voyage, but anyone who got as far as he did, defeating mutinies, navigating the strait that was named after him, and making mostly good decisions until his final one, he's got to be pretty darn good at what he does. After all, it would be another fifty-eight years before another circumnavigation would be completed by Sir Francis Drake.

He used, of course, the Strait of Magellan.

-------------------------

The information for this blog came from Over the Edge of the World: Magellan's Terrifying Circumnavigation of the Globe by Laurence Bergreen. I'm not sure why I picked it up in the first place, but I'm darn glad I did. It's a heck of a book, and if you get the chance you should give it a read.

Magellan's Voyage: Part 6 - The Show Must Go On

With their captain general dead and soundly defeated at the hands of a Filipino tribe, the Europeans were left to return to their boats and to lick their wounds. Fortunately, they were still friends with the guys who split off from Lapu Lapu, the ones that originally sided with the travellers. Some time after the loss they were invited to a banquet hosted by the group, likely to plot a course of action from then on - which is to say, let them deal with it while the explorers fled. But hey, free food is free food, and beggars can't be choosers.

The people liked Enrique enough to make a
statue of him, but not enough to bring it
out from the back of a junior high
art room, apparently.

There was a wrench in the works, however. Magellan had a slave by the name of Enrique. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal; slaves were common and if it weren't for the upcoming events he probably would never have been mentioned. The reason for his importance is that when Magellan died, it's logical that he then would be freed, no longer belonging to a master seeing as they didn't even know what happened to the master's corpse. That didn't fly for the people on board, though, and the judge and jury are pretty much whoever is holding the biggest weapon when you're on a boat far from your home. Telling him that he's not to be freed meant that Enrique wasn't too pleased, so he decided to take a trip to the land and meet with Humabon, the leader of the Euro-friendly Filipino tribe.

You know, the tribe that is now against the powerful Lapu Lapu and associated with a bunch of Europeans that maybe didn't live up to their fighting potential. And, you know, maybe a tribe leader that would be more than happy to get back into the good graces of Lapu Lapu by proving his loyalty. Yeah, that's the guy Enrique is meeting with, Enrique being the spited slave that should have been freed. They got to talking.

Lo and behold, the banquet was an ambush. Twenty-seven men were killed, leaving the numbers of the shattered European expedition down to a slim 115. It seemed time to leave, seeing that in spite of things starting so darn well they took a turn for the worse with nothing but the deaths of their captain general and dozens of other men. Seeing one of their ships was in such rough shape that it was beyond repair, they set fire to it so it wouldn't fall into the hands of their enemies and set sail for Brunei, hoping that it would fare better for them than the Philippines. The bar was pretty low.

While on the way they had to decide on a new captain, seeing as the other one was... incapacitated. Joao Lopes Carvalho was named the head honcho, but he had his faults. He lacked the discipline and moral aptitude of Magellan, as well as lacking the respect of his men, a problem that not so much festers as blows up very quickly.

Nevertheless, they found their way to Brunei on July 9th and met the ruler, a man who considered himself an enemy of Spain. Fortunately, they had a number of Portuguese on board and passed themselves off as friendlies rather than rivals, finally having a use for the two countries of origin on board that had caused so many difficulties thus far. Treated like royalty, they were taken around the place on elephant back and given their first hint of the long awaited spices. The king doted on them, using the Europeans as a means to show his power and wealth to the other leaders in the area - to no complaint of the Europeans, of course.

A replica of Magellan's boat Victoria. It probably didn't have the Japanese
flag in real life. But hey, stranger things have happened.

Unfortunately, once more miscommunication reared its ugly head. When returning to their ships one day in Brunei they realized they were surrounded by a number of warriors and a few junks (smallish, fairly weak ships of Chinese origin). Thinking they were surrounded and about to be attacked, they destroyed a junk and accepted the surrender of another through a bribe of its captain, keeping the boat and its belongings. When confronting the king later he said they were meant to go fight elsewhere and they simply got in the way, repaying his hospitality with brutishness. I think that's what you call a diplomatic "oopsie."

Pushing the issue further, the new captain Carvalho decided it seemed like a good plan to kidnap sixteen prisoners and three local hotties to have as his own personal harem onboard one of the ships. Magellan could easily have done this, but wisely decided against it as it would be a divisive issue between him and the crew. Carvalho lacked the wisdom and self-sacrifice of Magellan, and instead bribed the officers who darn near killed him for the action. He kept his life but lost all authority, and was told to step down in favour of a new man, Juan Sebastian Elcano. After having one captain for so long, they switched another one out in less than a month.

Just throwing this out there: cloves are by no
stretch of the imagination worth this trouble.

Elcano decided that after thirty five days it was time to leave, not forgetting that the spice islands were surely close. After "convincing" some captains to help them - you know, by capturing their ships and demanding they lead them - the expedition finally heard there was a direct path to the spice islands. On November 6th, 1521, at long last, they found them. They had lost three ships and over a hundred men and spent twenty-seven months reaching them, but they arrived. Landing in Tidore island, they immediately began trading for spices using much of what they took from the Chinese junk they brought along with them to exchange. And boy, did they exchange. Trading with the king, Almanzor, they hauled in a stunning 1,400 pounds of cloves. This would be enough to make them rich, their children rich, and their children's children rich - but there still lay one huge obstacle in front of them: getting back.

With two boats remaining they surveyed the damage. The Trinidad had sprung a leak they couldn't find for the life of them and would have to stay docked for some time. It could take months. The Victoria, meanwhile, was in awful shape but could leave on a more immediate basis. The plan was to sail straight back, but that would go through Portuguese waters and thus violate that pesky treaty of Tordesillas from the beginning. The other option was to go to the Americas and mule the spices across for a ship to pick them up from there. They opted for the former, and the Victoria set sail with her cache of cloves, heading back in a direction that would be ten thousand miles alone at sea.

Magellan's Voyage: Part 5 - Unexpected

After having travelled north along the coast of Chile, the weary and battered sailors set sail due west on December 18th, 1520. They expected things to be quick, not knowing the truth behind what lay ahead of them as the size and scope of the Pacific was unknown to the travellers. As days turned into weeks they came across a problem; the food supplies were dwindling. Due to some bad luck, they had the misfortune of accidentally dodging some islands that would likely have helped them. That meant they were stuck on their boats for a terrible stretch of time, with a new enemy coming aboard in the form of the dreaded scurvy.

There were quite a few people on Magellan's voyage
that tried to hide away and stay in some of the places
they visited. Picking between this and sponge-gums,
I can really see the logic behind their argument.

The lack of vitamin C from the dwindling fruit supplies meant that many men were coming down with the sickness. It begins because vitamin C creates ascorbic acid, a substance that helps to produce connective tissue. Scurvy then begins to kick in when ascorbic acid is missing and the lack of connection means that things start to wear down, particularly in the mouth. Teeth begin to fall out, they get an unbearable case of bad breath, and worst of all, the gums turn incredibly painful and "spungey" as described in the book. Along the Pacific many men would come down with scurvy and twenty-nine were eventually killed by it, greatly reducing his already dwindling supply of men. Magellan and the officers, meanwhile, had quince on board, a fruit similar to an apple that prevented the onset of scurvy. If you're thinking that Magellan didn't share the fruit with anyone in a bit of selfishness, give him a pass on this one - he likely didn't know the quince was what spared him and his officers.

After ninety-eight days at sea (shouldn't it be "at ocean", or is that incorrect?) and a stunning 7,000 miles the broken and spungey men arrived in Guam where they met the Chamorro people. It didn't go well. See, the Chamorro are a people that like to share. They're of the "what's mine is yours" variety, and they mistakenly believed that the travellers would be much the same way. Right upon the arrival of the expedition the Guam natives hopped aboard their boats and began rifling through their things and taking some of what they found appealing. The Portuguese and Spanish, not following this belief and seeing the people as stealing from them in a shockingly brazen manner, became incensed and stabbed one of the "thieves". Honestly, it's mostly just unfortunate; the Europeans had to protect their things, as they wouldn't be able to return home safely without them, and the natives simply had a different view on personal belongings, and with no manner to bridge the language gap it ended in violence. But, since life being cheap is a common theme so far, they quickly got over it and began to trade. They gave up some of their metal items in exchange for an abundance of very welcome food.

Unfortunately, in what may have been another communication misstep, they took the captain's personal boat (think of it as a lifeboat sort of thing). Magellan did not take well to this. In response, he went and burned many of their houses to the ground and killed seven of their men, eventually finding and returning the boat to his ship and promptly leaving shortly after.

Deciding between finding pictures for "bizarre ancient
Philippine sexual practices" and "coconuts" I chose
the later. 

Magellan wasn't really big on leaving a lasting, positive impression.

They sailed for another ten days but this time with some food in their belly and their worries of scurvy no longer at the forefront of their minds. It would be ten more days of sailing before they landed in the Philippines. Things got off to about as great of a start as they could. First, one island had such an incredible abundance of gold that they were trading iron for it at a pound-for-pound ratio. In addition, they were also entranced by the islands themselves, taking particular interest in coconuts of all things. (Cuckoo for coconuts!)

Bouncing from island to island for a while, the next one they landed on showered them with gifts, both material and female. They went into far too graphic detail of the bizarre sexual practices of some of the islanders, and while I could indulge you with a few examples I believe it best to leave it as simply saying there were many such things that were aggressively unpleasant to read. Fortunately for the Europeans, it seems like many of the women didn't particularly like these acts, and thus took to the Europeans with their much more straightforward desires.

Really though, way, way too much detail.

Magellan may have had the armour, but
Lapu Lapu had the chiseled bod. Sure,
the Europeans had gunpowder, but you could
grate cheese on those abs.

In a hilarious contrast from one act to the next, they then began converting many of the islanders, something that, while encouraged, was not necessary for them to do. Somehow they skirted around the tenets of Christianity to get with as many native women as they could but still managed to preach the faith the next day. But really, if anything it's indicative of how much they were enjoying their time; if they didn't truly enjoy these islands they wouldn't have bothered with the conversions.

Arriving on the next island they started the conversion game again, but found that there arose two factions in response to their coming. One sided with the Europeans, feeling threatened by their astounding, futuristic weaponry (I mean, muskets, am I right?) and armour that to the Filipinos seemingly made a man invulnerable. The other believed that the men were intruders and had to be forced out or put down, a threat to their very way of life - which, to be fair, was pretty darn insightful considering the European tendency to do exactly that during the Age of Exploration. As a response, Magellan told the friendly side they would use their armour and weapons and easily crush the rebellious ones, the people called the Mactanese led by the chieftain Lapu Lapu.

Believing wholeheartedly in the strength of his men and their power of their weapons and armour, he told the natives to not even bother supporting him. Sixty of his men would be more than enough to

Pictured: Regret.

overpower what he believed would be a few dozen opponents with spears. Placing their boats far from the island as he did not believe he needed them, he went ashore searching for blood foolishly out of the range of his crossbowmen and artillery aboard. Upon reaching the island island is when things went awry; it wasn't a mere force of a few dozen, but instead an overwhelming force of many times that. Firing arrows and throwing spears, they eventually began to wear down the heavy, slower Spanish and Portuguese soldiers. Attempting a slow retreat, the men tried to return to their boats and flee. The defending force of natives focussed their efforts on Magellan specifically, and after having been struck by a poisoned arrow he began to lose mobility further. His men, unable to support him, had to retreat without their captain. Magellan was quickly overtaken and slaughtered, his body never recovered. Nothing short of a rout, the wounded made it back with nine men and their captain slain on April 27th, 1521.

So, yeah, that was a little unexpected. As it turns out Magellan's voyage had to continue from then on sans Magellan. Lapu Lapu, meanwhile, was seen as a hero and is hailed as such to this day.

Magellan's Voyage: Part 4 - Giants and Virgins

After the mutiny the voyagers found themselves in a difficult predicament. Mainly, they had no idea how to get across to the Pacific. At the moment, they were near the southern tip of South America, waiting out the winter until they could get back to sailing again. For a long stretch they didn't see anyone. Close to two months went by without another soul from outside the people they came with.

A depiction of the Patagonian giants and
a European. The Patagonians were immediately
drafted into the NBA upon discovery.

That's one of the forgotten, pushed-aside parts of these incredible adventures; at the core, what they deal the most with is boredom. Two months of sitting around, waiting for the cold to pass.

Until they found a giant, that is. Towards the end of the winter they stumbled upon a very large native dancing nearby. Naturally, the immediate response was to go to him and start an impromptu dance party, and the Europeans and the dancing giant quickly became friends. While the size of these people (later figured to be the Tehuelche tribe in Patagonia) was greatly exaggerated by Magellan and his team, they certainly were huge by any standard. Six-foot tall and augmented by clothing and footwear that made them appear larger, they towered over the Europeans.

This giant man got along with Magellan's for a while. They gave him plenty of gifts, and when he returned a few days later they baptized him. They named him John. John, the Patagonian giant. Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse after a while. The Europeans stumbled upon a few caches of weapons stored nearby and they assumed the worst, the giant being perhaps not of the gentle or the jolly variety. This group likely had met Europeans before and, while John was certainly treated well until now, perhaps they didn't have all that great of a run in with a prior bunch. As a precaution the sailors captured a few of them and brought them back to the boats, but one managed to get away and return to

Meanwhile, this is how I picture Cartagena
and the priest, still on the island.

 his people. The next day, the natives jumped out from behind trees and fired a volley of arrows at the Europeans, killing one. They didn't see the Patagonians ever again. And it all started so well...

But that was all forgotten once the winter passed as they could set sail again. Life was cheap back then and dwelling on the dead seemed like it never was in style. Late August rolled around and they were off, searching amongst a series of small rivers that encompass much of the landscape of the southern part of present day Argentina and Chile. It would take them months but they finally found a way through, a river path that looked at the very least quite promising on October 21st. To navigate it properly they would send boats periodically further ahead and scout the rivers, and in the process in doing it they sent one in too shallow of water. The resulting risk cost them a ship, bringing them down to four. Fortunately, they managed to get the men back to the boats after eleven days of separation.

The risks were clear. To push through the strait would mean a very real possibility of being lost, stranded, or shipwrecked, and the thought of packing up and going home was front row centre in the minds of many of the crew. One such man, Estevao Gomes, was at the forefront of that argument.

The Strait of Magellan was originally called
the Cape of Eleven Thousand Virgins.
They changed the name to The Straight
of Magellan was the original was a bit
of a misnomer. Ten thousand, max. Even
with rounding.

Once they found the strait he thought they could mark where it was, return to Spain, and eventually make a return trip. It's important to note that Gomes was actually slated for captainship of the voyage, but Magellan stepped in with better connections last second and took the prize from him. Surely, there was a little bad blood between the two to make things a little nastier.

Regardless of the dissension in the ranks, Magellan pushed forward. In a truly incredible feat of navigation, they managed to find their way through the twisting paths of rivers (and even tributaries!) and emerged on the other side. In the process, Gomes' boat got separated. Seeing his chance, he got all the men wishing to leave (must not have been too hard to convince them) and overpowered the loyalists, deciding to sail back home through the path they came. So off they went, with one of the boats, a bunch of the crew, and the information that Magellan abandoned Cartagena on an island somewhere with a priest, killed a bunch of the crew, tortured others, and sent the rest of the men on a doomed voyage west. At least that's how they'd sell it... but they're also the ones telling the story first.

On Magellan's end, it was a mixed bag once they got through to the Pacific. Finding their way through was an incredible task he completed through no lack of talent. That's the good news. The bad was a little heavier. They stood at 200 of the original 260 men and were down to three of the five original vessels. The food supply was dwindling, the morale of the crew was spotty at best, they had already survived a run of mutinies, albeit barely...

Oh, and they were looking out at the largest body of water in the world.

Magellan's Voyage: Part 3 - Mutiny and the Aftermath

Having left their first encounter with natives around Christmas time, Magellan and Co. were back on the water again. Their mission now was to find a passage through South America to the (unbeknownst to them) massive waters of the Pacific Ocean on the other side. Unfortunately, a longing to pack up and go home, a distaste for being led by a Portuguese man instead of a Spaniard, and a lack of food was riling up the sailors once again.

That, and Magellan had a guy killed.

A modern depiction of Magellan
from a Filipino movie. The actor?
Get ready for this. I am not making
this up. His name is
Dingdong Dantes. I also discovered
he has an album called "The
Dingdong Dantes Experience".
This is the greatest day of my life.

You see, people back then weren't very... accommodating to alternative lifestyles, so to speak. Magellan got word of two men who were partaking in some private extracurricular bedroom activities. Unfortunate for these two lovebirds (or more likely lust-birds considering that seems to be an issue on these endless voyages) it was a high-level crime to do so. Like, execution level stuff. Magellan carried it out. The problem is that didn't play well, even though Magellan was in his right. Of course, one such man would most gleefully step in to show the rest of the crew that Magellan was not fit to lead.

Carefully stoking the fires of rebellion, Cartagena, our antagonist in the story if there ever was one, brought mutiny back to the Armada de Molucca. This one was much more organized and had strong backing, as three of the five ships were suddenly against Magellan. In the second outright murder on the ship thus far, one of Magellan's loyalists (keep in mind he did have a number of Portuguese men on board that would back him almost for certain) was stabbed by the mutineers. This put Magellan in a difficult position; such a crime would have to be severely punished, but three of the ships is essentially his armada. If he were to defeat them somehow how would he punish them? So he hatched a plan.

Pretending to send a group of messengers to hear the mutineers' demands (which were heading back home to Spain which would effectively bring Magellan to utter disgrace and ruin him in both status and finances) with the message of surrendering immediately. Of course, that was their secret mission - what they pretended was to be willing to join the mutineers. Helped aboard the ship, they met with the leader of the mutiny on one boat and promptly stabbed him. The rest of the boat, seeing their leader drop in a bloody heap, backed down and gave up - probably while those rather brave loyalists were wetting their weird diaper-pants as they would be severely outnumbered on that boat.

With one boat down Magellan set his sights on the next. Sending a small team out at night, they cut the lead rope anchoring the ship so it would drift towards Magellan's two loyalist ships which allowed them to set up a delightfully easy ambush. It was pretty close by the time they realized they were right by their enemies, and while they tried to turn tail and get out of there, it was too little too late. They were already within the captain general's grasp and after a few shots of cannon fire to scare them they backed down, put the mutinous captain in chains, and surrendered.

The "wooden horse" is on the left. That won't mean anything
until later in this blog, so keep reading. But trust me, it's a
bad, bad thing.

So here's the thing about mutiny. With no law out on the ocean, the power really belongs to the man that has the most strength and backing. If the captain lets that slip, then he's probably going to be killed. This means that to maintain that order the captain has to have a very strong show of strength to ensure that mutiny won't happen again. It's not like back home - if they tried to pull this stunt, they would simply be taken in by whatever old-school version of police they have pretty quickly. But out at sea with nothing to enforce it, and with records of the incident typically written by the victor, there's no threat from higher powers. That means that when mutinies happen, they not only have to be squashed, but squashed with such vitriol that they could never occur again.

So Magellan went to end it. Magellan, a man that's working on behalf of Spain. Spain, a place that had just began the Inquisition.

One mutineer captain was tied to the ship's capstan (the giant cylinder that with pulleys that move the ropes) and literally ripped apart. Another was tortured by strappado, a technique of tying one's hands behind their back and lifting them on the ground - occasionally tying weights to their feet, which they used in this case. That man actually survived, and went back to work on the ship eventually, in great pain and likely a little taller. Another was literally sliced in two by the "wooden horse", another torture device that has a triangular-prism shaped space for the man to sit upon the top of,

A statue depicting strappado.
Those tortured in this manner
would need hours in an epsom
salt bath.

 leading him to be cut right in half. Yet another was killed by having a thin cloth forced down his throat with a light stream of water - which sounds OK until you realize that when it would be pulled up it would be bloody and the man would suffocate from it. I think Jack Bauer threatened a dude with that once. The last to be executed was killed by his own man who was given freedom in exchange for slaughtering him. His beheaded body was then drawn and quartered. As if this wasn't enough - personally I think that would have done the trick - he impaled the bodies, or whatever was left of them, on pikes and left them along the coast. Magellan does not mess around.

With all the captains dead he still had two large issues. One, there were fourty other people that helped with the mutiny. They were given hard labour in exchange for execution, as he couldn't afford to lose that many men. Second, there was the issue of Cartagena. Being the king's man it would be a serious risk to execute him with the rest. It would likely spell bad news for Magellan upon his return (assuming he lives to see the day) but he had to do something.

Magellan's hand was forced when Cartagena tried - I kid you not - a third mutiny so close after the second one. At this point Magellan has enough of it (mutiny on me once, twice or three times, shame on me...) and ditches Cartagena and a priest he was working with on a deserted island to fend for themselves. That's where their story ends in the history books. Considering they were left without supplies in a land that's full of cannibals, I think it's fair to piece together what happened to the two of them.

Magellan's Voyage: Part 2 - Set Sail for Mutiny

August 10th, 1519. By now it was quite some time ago that Columbus landed in the Caribbean and discovered the new world but that didn't mean that suddenly everyone saw things for what it was. Maps were comically inaccurate, with massive lands in wrong directions or far from where they actually are. Further, if they weren't sure what was beyond a certain point the typical response from that time was to reason it was due to horrible monsters. Massive whirlpools, sea satyrs, surprise magnetic fields that tear the nails out of boats - you name it, they said the open ocean had it. Their context for what was in the ocean was largely taken from Pliny the Elder - the 79 Pliny the Elder, as in 79 A.D. Yeah, things went through a period of lacking updates. Such is life in the Age of Discovery; you literally sail through the myths to occasionally find riches, never monsters, and more than anything else, seemingly endless, tedious open spaces. I bet sometimes they could go for a sea satyr just to spice things up a little bit. Nevertheless, hats off to those guys back then, because if I genuinely believed that a colossal sea monster had the very real possibility of emerging from the ocean and devouring me, I'd be quite content with my dreadful life of farming for essentially no pay.

So, this is a sea satyr. I expected something more akin
to what Godzilla would fight, and less
goofy-puppy-on-a-jacked-mermaid-body. I think the
secret to its defeat would be a good scratch behind the ears.

Fortunately for the sake of our story Magellan wasn't like me. Searching for a route to the spice islands in the east, hoping for a passage through what we now know are the Americas, he set sail on that August day from Seville. Landing in the Canary Islands shortly after, he gets the unpleasant news that he must hurry out of there because the Portuguese king had sent two fleets to arrest him. (The Portuguese had a number of well-kept secrets in regards to getting east by boat, and they weren't too keen on our man Magellan spilling the beans.) Scampering out of there with his tail between his legs they went south along the African coast, passing first through pirate infested waters to enter the more pleasant shark infested waters. The latter is better because the sharks you can eat. By the way, if we're to make a list of all the crazy stuff that happens on Magellan's voyage (Ferdinand's Greatest Hits?) eating sharks is just a sidenote along the way.

About sixty days in, having passed the pirates and the sharks, he headed straight into a larger, more important adversary: storms. Having been tossed around by the turbulent waters they came out alive but much worse for wear. The most pressing issue was that the storms depleted much of the precious food supply, something that Magellan decided not to share with the rest of the crew due to the fact they would be upset at the prospect of starving on the ocean. Unfortunately, you can't hide that forever and after quite some time many of the people on board the five ships began to think that perhaps this foreigner wasn't all he was cracked up to be.

Cartagena confronts Magellan. It's darn
near impossible to take this picture seriously
with the mixture of skin-tight pants,
knee-high boots and the most absurd
man-diaper attire currently on display.
I believe T.V. shows skip this time period
because no self-respecting actor would wear that.

Cartagena, the man that was placed on the boat to be the Spanish king's eyes and ears - and also the man who believed himself higher than Magellan's position to which the captain disagreed completely - was one of the first to bring up this issue. To spite Magellan, Cartagena began to openly address him improperly, calling him simply captain, not captain general. It seems a little nit-picky, but I assume it was a significant insult because eventually the two drew swords on each other, going so far that Cartagena demanded from the other captains to attack and kill Magellan. Fortunately for our good captain - pardon me, captain general - the other captains got cold feet and couldn't follow that dark, bloody path. Magellan then relieved him of command and placed him on a separate ship, as he couldn't take further action due to the man's status. Assuming his voyage would be successful, if he came back after having killed the eyes and ears of the king, well... it doesn't matter how many spices you're bringing.

Fortunately, the tensions were about to ease for a time. By December they arrived in Brazil, landing near a former Portuguese camp. Immediately they began trading with the friendly natives, taking particular interest in the trading of the native women. Having been on the ocean for quite some time exclusively with men, they were getting... well, rowdy. Exchanging knives and other metals for the daughters of the native Guarani Indians, they would finally leave at around Christmas time having probably left a few women with half-European children to raise in ten months or so. I really can't overstate this - it's a major, major draw for whenever they visit a village.

This stretch is a little light on pictures, so here are some
Guarani ceramic bowls. They make a darn good bowl.

For all intents and purposes the first meeting with natives went well (believe me, not all of them do) but it did little to fix the problems that were still present on the boat. Many were disapproving of Magellan's leadership, and Cartagena would make his return in short order. Things still bubbled underneath the surface. Bad tides were coming. Cartagena was ready to take the wind out of Magellan's sails. The first mutiny was just a shot across the bow. Not to worry though, Magellan was ready to batten down the hatches.

Man, sailing has the best idioms.

Anyway, it's nice to end on a moment of levity. As they went further south they bumped into some penguins and sea lions that they gave pretty hilarious descriptions for. That'll be the last little bit of joy before things go south. Believe me, Magellan goes pretty hardcore.

Magellan's Voyage - Part 1: Of Spain and Portugal

What's the most dangerous act one can go through that is considered at least somewhat regular?

In that case, no, walking out into traffic doesn't count. Going toe to toe with a bear might get you killed, but that's not a regular act either. I'm talking something people do in the modern day Western world that wouldn't get you thrown in an asylum. Heck, we can jump out of planes now with 99.983% chance of surviving, citing the ever-reliable "first thing that comes up on Google in regards to skydiving" source. Hollywood stuntmen would have so many legal cases if their death-defying

Pope Alexander VI. As an interesting side-note, Popes were
different back then, and this particular one was wealthy
 and ambitious, also with a weak spot for the women-folk, having
 many mistresses and illegitimate kids. I deem him
Pope Pimpious. Or Pope Impious. Or Notorious P.O.P.E.
All good options, really.

tricks were in reality truly defying death, rather than everyone involved being exceptionally careful. I suppose the riskiest thing is likely some of the more hands-on and frightening oil jobs, or more likely, front-lines soldiers, but even then the survival rate is much higher than it used to be. The reason behind this is we seem to actually value life now, as opposed to the Renaissance Era, where believing that individual lives held more than just a means to plow a field for a while was a radical idea.

That's the time Magellan lived. A time when life was cheap, and seemingly many considered even their own this way. Now, these people, when given the opportunity to take their lives that are effectively just that thread above worthless and turn it into vast piles of gold and metaphorical vast piles of glory, it seems like a decent trade in. The place where that bet could actually be made was in the spice trade. Suddenly, people had the ability to take their lives to the roulette table and throw it all on "00" and hope for the best.

The reason this sudden chance at ultra-success came was due to a number of factors. First and foremost, people liked their spices in Europe, but the spices came from the Moluccas, islands close to Indonesia and thus far, far away. That meant that the spices came overland at a snails pace, and thus increased the price as they would pass from one hand to the next through the various Islamic kingdoms in the Middle East before arriving. Naturally, that meant that the prices were jacked-up like beer at a hockey game. What made the matter worse (and with increased difficulty, a greater potential for more financial gain for risk-taking individuals) was the fall of Constantinople in 1453. The new owners didn't like the spice trade and the need for a sea route became a necessity. Those that would succeed would be as rich as kings.

Ferdinand Magellan. While he earned respect
for his neatly cropped, well-manicured
beard, his stylistic choice of oddly shaped
hats made many wonder if he was up to the task.

Portugal was the first to do this. Sailing south and around the horn of Africa, they eventually landed in the spice islands and became predictably rich off their endeavours. The king and queen of Spain obviously would have wanted to use this, but Pope Alexander VI declared that the western half of the world was for Spain to take, with the eastern half for Portugal. They weren't allowed to take or trade on each other's land, nor were they allowed to claim Christian kingdoms. They called it the Treaty of Tordesillas, and while it was well meaning (ignoring that without having met the inhabitants of the rest of the world, they've already staked their claim to them) it was not without its flaws. Maps were often woefully inaccurate, many lands were undiscovered, and establishing a line in the sand while not understanding where the line actually is leads to nothing but loopholes and egregious cheats. When a small bag of nutmeg (and nutmeg is one of those crappy spices, in my mind) is enough to buy a small house - literally - there are bound to be a few people willing to skirt the rules. 

In the midst of the race to the spice islands, there stands Magellan - a man of minor consequence as a noble, but a pretty unimportant one. A former soldier before a lance left him with a limp, he had already fought for the king of Portugal. However, his relationship wasn't great with him - he was expecting more compensation (in which he repeatedly asked for more) and when asked to be sponsored for a voyage to the spice islands he was repeatedly turned down. Eventually he got fed up and tried his luck with neighbouring Spain. The young, new king of Castile needed money desperately, and knowing that Portugal kept their information locked up tight he had an added bonus of bringing a little intel to the table. After marrying into a wealthy family (you gold-digger, Magellan!) he convinced the king of Spain to sponsor him. Of course, Portugal didn't like this. A confidant of the king of Portugal tried to have Magellan assassinated, and the Spanish king urged him to leave as soon as possible.

Magellan's fleet, the Armada de Molucca. Considering
that the majority of their stored drinks were wine,
could their voyage technically be considered one of the first
"booze cruises"?

The whole Spanish-Portuguese thing is a pretty big deal, keep in mind. Many of the Spanish (including the king) had their doubts about this Portuguese man who suddenly came by looking for a high investment for the promise of riches. His crew, many of whom spoke Spanish rather than Portuguese (he had a fair few of his countrymen along with him) lacked respect for him for this reason as well. As a result a man was put on board to be the eyes and ears of the king of Spain to ensure that everything was kept above board. Cartagena, a man who was not given clear instruction on just how much power he had, which would prove to be a point of contention between him and Magellan, was told to keep the men in line. They were told they had to treat the Arabs in Spanish land well, any natives they found were not to be destroyed, there was to be no blasphemy or card-playing (are those on the same level?), and they weren't to touch any women (oooooooh boy did that last order not last).

So with the backing of a foreign, rival king, Magellan set sail with five ships weighing between 60 and 130 tons. It was the mighty Armada de Molucca, named after the Indonesian name for the Spice Islands. Loaded with wine and food, most of which being hardtack, a form of rather disgusting sounding biscuit thing, they set sail. Along the way they would find both friendly and hostile natives, gold and spices the likes of which they could only imagine, brutal disease, dire battles, eager women, starvation, luxury, treachery, mutiny and torture. Magellan was in for a wild ride.

Canada in World War II - Part 8: Fight to the Finish

The ruins of Dresden. In every destruction of a city there is
always one remaining statue to look over ominously.

The final pushes of World War II were far from clearing things out and running down the clock. The Germans still had some fight in them, even if the individual soldiers were losing their gusto. Hitler, unwilling to admit defeat, forced his trampled armies into fight after fight, in spite of the fact they were losing countless soldiers and had effectively no chance of victory. His final plan was to institute what he called the "people's storm", which drafted all German males between the ages of 16-60. With draft dodgers, people refusing to fight, and those attempting and failing to surrender to the Canadians or otherwise (the allied forces were dropping pamphlets promising a safe passage to those that surrendered) they began to follow through with executions. And not just a few: to compare, Canada and the United States had zero and one respectively. The Germans executed 20,000. In spite of all of this, many said that the fighting was no less intense than Normandy.

Meanwhile, the Canadians had a familiar problem that, like a nagging wound, refused to go away. We were running out of soldiers. Mackenzie King refused outright (as promised) to follow through with overseas conscription, but with groups of soldiers running at half capacity, he had little choice. In 1944, he flipped after pressure from his military advisors and took his NRMA (National Resource Mobilization Act - essentially conscripted home-front soldiers) and told them 16,000 of them would be fighting overseas. It was similar to Canada's conscription crisis in 1917, with many of the same issues and responses. Those that went over, not eager to fight and feeling betrayed by the Canadian government, were referred to as "zombies".

An American meets a Russian in Berlin. "American meeting
with Russian soldiers" isn't quite so cheery anymore.

Even the soldiers that volunteered were beginning to lose their heads. Battle fatigue was a serious issue, with some soldiers serving well beyond their limits and facing little understanding from on high about the effects of long-term warfare. With an enemy that seemed to never quit and a war that was endless, hope was running low. The message on high was to simply label escapism - either through desertion, purposefully wounding yourself, or simply refusing to fight - as a shameful act that betrays the soldiers they were fighting with.

Canadians celebrating with the liberated Dutch after
the Nazi defeat. After the war, the soldiers hung around a while.
The citizens were... appreciative. One Dutch reporter has
my favourite quote about this: "Dutch men were beaten
militarily in 1940; sexually in 1945."

What sometimes the front-line soldiers wouldn't see, however, was that they were indeed winning the war. The final push into Germany, called Operation Veritable for the Canadians, was a massive and costly but ultimately successful one. The First Canadian Army had control of thirteen national divisions consisting of 470,000 troops, the largest held by a Canadian commander. The Germans, on their own turf and therefore more eager to defend it, were fighting to the last, making the massive invasion force entirely necessary.

But it wasn't just troops moving into Germany. One million tons - which I would say is a lot of tons - of aerial bombs were dropped on Germany in 1944. More than 50% of the urban areas of Germany were destroyed. In February of 1945, after the failed last-ditch attempt of the Germans at the Battle of the Bulge, the historic bombing of Dresden likely killed as many as 35,000 civilians in a hellish firestorm of bombing runs. It was met with controversial opinions: was it overkill, and the needless destruction of civilians, or were they doing what it took to end the war? Many today would condemn the actions but with looking at it through a modern lens, not taking enough into account of how it would have been at the time and the dire situation the world was in. 

Canadians celebrating on VE day. This was the
line-up for the liquor store.

Eventually, Germany was defeated while the Canadians were still liberating the Netherlands. The Nazis fought to the very end, seeing twelve Canadians killed on day Germany surrendered, May 7th, 1945.

So, I could give a big speech about how the war has had such long standing effects, what it meant for the world, etc. But I feel that's been done over and over by people who could do it much better than I could. I'll leave it instead with some specifically Canadian statistics. 44,339 casualties, 11,000 of them killed, came from Canada from D-Day onwards. 54,000 Canadians were wounded from the outset, and 29,000 listed as seriously disabled. Of the more than one million that served in uniform, almost 100,000 were killed or wounded. It's a shockingly high number considering Canada's total population was between 11-12,000,000 during the war. There would still be plenty more before the Second World War ends with the nuclear bombs on Japan. In a war that took an average of 25,000 lives a day, civilian and soldier, Canada played its part.

Canada in World War II - Part 7: The Scheldt and Dutch Liberation

Does it make sense to say that even Generals can get a little antsy to end a war?

The map of the battle. The river Scheldt is the lower river beneath the
peninsula. Or maybe an estuary. Wait, then what's an archipelago? I'm
sure it's not a rhombus, that's just a shape... anyway, the only thing
more complicated than figuring out what the area around the Scheldt is
is figuring out how to spell it.

That's certainly how it feels retrospectively looking back at Operation Market Garden. With Normandy taken, the idea was to plunge the dagger into Germany itself, quickly and decisively, ending the war once and for all. However, there were a number of problems: the Germans were far from done, they were set to fight much more aggressively since it would be the first time fighting on home turf, and soldiers and supplies were thinning dramatically for the allies (although, to be fair, for the Nazis as well). For all that Operation Market Garden was seen as controversial and perhaps needlessly risky, although much of that comes from historians looking back on it now. What perhaps would have worked better would be to free up the major port city of Antwerp in Belgium before committing so many forces towards Germany, as it would have been easier to support Antwerp - and the Dutch river Scheldt that leads to it - with a larger force. While Antwerp was in allied hands, without the river the city was largely ineffective. Market Garden resulted in a massive failure, and in many ways it was up to the beleaguered and half-strength Canadians to come in and clean up the mess, taking the river and the city which should have been done with a larger force and greater planning.

Geographically, Antwerp is far down the river Scheldt, and much of the German defences were centred around a jutting peninsula flanked by the Scheldt and another river. The peninsula itself was a fortress, protected not only by a large German force led by experienced eastern-front commanders, but also by one strong and rightfully feared enemy of all in the World Wars: mud. So much mud. Much of the area was flooded, and efforts to build trenches would find that they'd fill up with water almost instantly.

Soldier: "The Buffalo is a slow moving, loud, amphibious
transport. How should we use them, sir?"
Commander: "In a surprise attack!"
Soldier: "Did you hear the words I just said, commander?"
Commander: "Surprise! Surprise!"

The plan was to have a multi-pronged assault that would overwhelm the German defences. On October 9th they planned a surprise attack, with a main frontal assault and another coming from behind with an amphibious assault of Buffalos, an amphibious transport with an aircraft engine. You would think that to make it an effective surprise attack you would need speed and silence, but the Canadians and their Buffalos had neither. The engines - I mean, they're aircraft engines - were exceptionally loud, and the transports moved at the rip-roaring thrill-ride pace of 3 knots per hour. (5.56 kilometres per hour. Wikipedia doubles it for similar vehicles, but I trust my books.) They might as well have attacked in paddleboats, as those would have gotten there faster.

Video games have lied to me. Flamethrowers always
only shoot a few yards in distance. These things are lobbing
flames like they're shot out of a cannon. Flamethrower
tanks have range! Who knew?

Somehow - somehow! - the secrecy was kept and the surprise attack held some success. While on the way, Dutch children would ride by on bicycles shouting encouragement to the Canadian soldiers, as the people there were in the process of being starved to death.  Subsisting on a set amount of calories a day, the people were thrilled at the prospect of Canadian liberators. Fortunately for both the occupied and the liberators, the Canadians started defeating the Germans through slow, ditch-by-ditch or house-by-house fighting. Defending unconventionally, the Nazis would disguise pillboxes as small houses (complete with curtains and everything) and have fake trees and haystacks with machine guns hidden inside. In fact, much of the fighting in general was unconventional. With the water the way it was, dykes were often filled with mines, meaning nowhere was safe on the battlefield. Even tanks were rendered ineffective by the water as they would frequently get stuck.

What helped make the difference towards the eventual Canadian victory was once more the use of planes. Typhoons, a new plane that was proving to be exceptionally effective, helped provide air support throughout the campaign and with only anti-aircraft weapons to shoot them down with minimal actual aircraft to counter them. The Germans surrendered on November 3rd, the operation succeeding with over two thousand German casualties and 12,700 taken prisoner.

"Come tiptoe, through the tulips,[Defeat the Nazis,]
With me..."

With the estuary taken, that didn't mean the Netherlands was free of Nazis. Antwerp couldn't really start shipping until the Germans were forced out of the nearby fortified city of Walcheren. Battle fatigue and loss of personnel was beginning to take hold of the Canadian forces, but the mission still had to be completed. To ease their assault, they planned to bomb the many dykes surrounding Walcheren and flood the area, restricting the Nazis' movement and forcing them onto smaller patches of dry land - allowing them to be bombed from above more easily. This was met by the Dutch with more than a little sadness; they still had 30,000 people still living there, and that would put them not only in danger but it would severely devastate their town. However, war was war, and on October 31st the dykes were bombed. The ensuing battles were successes and by November 28th tons of cargo was being sent in to support the supply-starved allied forces through the Antwerp ports, a massive turning point in the war.

Although the Netherlands was still held by the Nazis in many areas and would remain so until the end of the war, the Canadians would continue to push through and free the starving people. To this day, the Dutch annually send thousands and thousands of tulips to Ottawa as a thank you for liberation. Add them to the list of cultures that likes plucky little Canada.

Canada in World War II - Part 6: D-Day

D-Day was the big one. The largest naval armada ever put together was to storm the beaches of Normandy against a dug in, exceedingly well defended German force that had been occupying France for years. Both sides had prepared in endless training regiments for this day, and if the Germans held it could very well turn the tide of the war. With 6,900 vessels including 1213 warships (we had 126 of those between the two categories) it felt like an all-or-nothing battle. Both sides had

I know, I know, this is an American photo at Omaha beach,
and it's part of Canadian culture to be fiercely not
anti-American but not-American. But it's one heck of
a photo. So... slag off.

advantages; for the allies, the Luftwaffe was all but destroyed, rendering their air support useless and making reconnaissance a mess. Also, a series of successful spy network ploys - "accidental" leaks of Canadian documents - meant the Germans believed they were attacking elsewhere. The Nazis, however, had the age-old advantage of being in a prepared defense. Typically, attacking forces would want a tremendous numbers advantage if on the assault as an even footing would make a very lopsided battle if one had to move towards the other.

With everything prepared, the 2nd, 3rd and 4th Canadian infantry divisions, with 18,000 troops in the 3rd division - the tip of the spear. These soldiers had been training for years on how to take Normandy, and they would be focussing on Juno beach, one of five beachheads between two divisions of British soldiers. On the day of the attack 21,000 Canadians would make it ashore with 2,000 vehicles, joining 130,000 other allied soldiers. To prepare themselves for this, some sang raunchy songs, one ship had their padre have a quiz over the intercom system of the boat to take their minds off things, and others shaved their heads or styled it as a Mohawk in what they called "assault haircuts". (I wonder if any of the Mohawk haircut guys had an awkward conversation with the quiz guys after asking what they did to prepare. Varying levels of intensity, I suppose.)

For the Nazis, a sunny stroll through the barricades
was a delightful way to spend an afternoon.

After all the preparation, training, prayers, songs, and what-have-you, the ships began firing on the beaches at 5:30 a.m. Naturally, the Canadian beach got the least amount of shelling. Their goal was to take a port and two small cities in front of them which were to be leveled by tanks and infantry pushes which still held heavy amounts of defenders in spite of the bombing. To show that training only went so far, one soldier remarked "They don't teach us how to react when someone suddenly becomes a lot of pieces in front of you." Men that would have spent years learning how to assault the beach would be killed before they even landed, sunk in landing crafts or shredded by machine gun fire the moment they got out. Many of the casualties came in the first brutal fifteen minutes of landing.

A major help to the ground forces were the addition of specialty tanks, collectively called "funnies" due to their strange looking or unconventional nature. These included a flame-throwing tank called a Crocodile (Because how do you make a tank scarier? Add fire!), armoured bulldozers, and flail tanks. The lattermost was a tank that had a massive apparatus that came in front of the machine tha

A flail tank in action. I bet they gave these tanks cool
nicknames, like the "Tickler". Or the "Whip-it". Or
the "Spinning Jenny". I'm here all day, folks.

t spun large chains at a very high speed. These chains would whip the ground, setting off mines that would otherwise blow the legs - or worse, as they often went waist height - off the soldiers. The Americans neglected to use the "funnies" and sorely regretted the error.

Eventually reaching the towns, the French Canadian soldiers greeted the occupied citizens that had been under Nazi control for 1,453 days in their own language. Of course, the citizens and the soldiers were thrilled to free them, but the day was far from over. The final goal was Carpiquet airfield fourteen kilometres from the original landing site. We weren't able to reach it, but that is no knock on the Canadian forces; we went the furthest distance at 11 kilometres, but at the cost of 359 killed adn 715 wounded. While those numbers are high, it was half of what was anticipated.

The HMS Belfast firing on Juno Beach. The
fire on the right is live ammunition; the left
is a bonfire used for marshmallows, smores,
and other such tasty treats.

The next day the Canadians dug in and awaited the expected counterattack. The Nazis would want to push them back to the beaches, effectively cutting off reinforcements and ending the battle. Fortunately for Canada, the Germans were left wanting for soldiers, having depleted their supply over the years of fighting. Their response was to send teenagers - the Hitler Youth, or Hitler-Jugend. Although young, the Hitler Youth showed great tenacity and fought as ferociously as any other, and the counter attack cost both sides dearly. The Canadians managed to hold, but barely.

The next while was a return to form in slow pushing tactics, and by June 11th 2,831 Canadian soldiers were casualties. The Canadians - with British support - finally took the airfield with an artillery concentration that exceeded the historic battle of Vimy Ridge by far. But this was just one of many. After countless small skirmishes and a few large scale battles, the allied forces eventually took Normandy after 77 days. 200,000 casualties would be for each side, with the Germans losing another 200,000 in prisoners. 18,000 of those casualties were Canadians.

With Normandy taken, the allies were ready for the final push - the long-awaited stab at Germany. With Russia closing in on Berlin as well, it felt only a matter of time before the war was over, but how many more would die in the process? With Hitler refusing to surrender (in spite of a few assassination attempts) the war seemed to continue on forever.

Canada in World War II - Part 5: The Invasion of Italy

After the debacle that was Dieppe, Europe was wary of land invasions but nevertheless knew they must be done. The way they planned to do this was not to push through the fortified defences along the French coast (although they'll get there soon!) but through what Churchill famously described as "the soft underbelly" - Italy. How much the Canadians wanted to contribute was a controversial matter; King hoped to stay out of the ground war for as much as possible to avoid further casualties and a conscription crisis if they lost too many soldiers, but General Andrew McNaughton felt that their long-standing infantry were itching to get into a fight. Attacking into Sicily was the time to do so, and while King was hesitant, there wasn't any backing out.

Unloading tanks and soldiers shortly after the initial invasion. An often
forgotten bonus of fighting in Italy was you got to wear shorts.

Knowing far too well the consequences for attacking into the fortified beaches, the Allies came up with a brilliant plan to trick the Nazis into defending the Peloponnese region instead of their true target, Sicily (you can read up on it here). The plan worked beautifully, allowing the massive armada consisting of six battleships, two aircraft carriers, fifteen cruisers, 119 destroyers and more than 2,000 landing craft to sail towards Sicily on July 9th. After the lead assault waves came the 160,000 allied reinforcements backed by over 600 tanks and 14,000 other vehicles. Far from another Dieppe, there was relatively small resistance. In fact, the Italian heat caused many of the allied soldiers (Canadians included, of course) to trade with the Sicilians for parasols and headwear to ward off the sun.

The first while went about as well as it could. The Canadian portion of the army moved from town to town through Assoro, Leonforte, and Agira, with the fighting slow and methodical with forward bombing and deliberate, heavy pushes to clear out the German forces. The Italians, meanwhile, would often surrender without much of a fight as they weren't in it for the long haul the way the Germans were. By the time the Canadians continued their push through Messina and Regalbuto by the end of July and early August, effectively pushing the Germans out of Sicily, Mussolini would be deposed. The Germans got word the Italians had planned to surrender, and for Italy the outlook of the war changed very suddenly. The Nazis became occupiers rather than allies, as they stole their supplies, murdered officers and took prisoners as they believed they had to defend Italy and would do it with or without the help of the Italians.

The "Loyal Eddies" in Ortona. The term
"street fight" held different connotations then.
"Never bring a knife to a gun and tank fight,"
they'd say.

With the allies' initial strikes successful, the Nazis made their stand on the Italian mainland with one of the major battles in World War II for Canada taking place in the port city of Ortona. Founded by the Trojans, the ancient city held some of Germany's best defenders. It would be here they would no longer go through a fighting retreat, but dig in and hold. The hungry and battle-weary Canadian forces assaulted the outskirts of Ortona with a heavy artillery bombardment from across the nearby Moro river, forced into a frontal assault through a five kilometre long trench as large as 200 metres wide which the Germans were defending strongly. Unable to flank due to German counter-attacks and numerous tank mines along the way, they had to fight right through it. Even bombing their defences was difficult as the maps they held were dreadful while the Germans' were up to date and effective. Nevertheless, they got through it with heavy casualties until they reached Ortona.

In the town itself would be brutal, close-quarters urban warfare. The Germans would blow up houses to create strong points, lay booby traps, and lay mines all across the place. The way the Loyal Edmonton Regiment (the "Loyal Eddies") took to attacking it was to cross from balcony to balcony and move top-down to avoid walking into traps placed on bottom floors. They'd come in from above, lob grenades down, and progress through. The battle was finally over by December 28th after an uncomfortable but quiet Christmas.

Running low on weapons and ammunition, some men
were armed with comically over-sized shovels.

The following phases of the Italian invasion came through stalemate battles over massive lines, similar to World War I. First, the Gustav line, the heavily defended landscape that was taken from the 11th of May to the 18th, was eventually overrun by a massed force of French, American, Polish, British and Canadian forces. The advantage the allies held at this point in the battle that was critical in keeping the Germans off-balance and unable to properly reinforce was superior air support. By now the Luftwaffe was in tatters, lacking the numbers to stand against the ever powerful allied power in the air. Reconnaissance was near impossible, and the allies used that to attack where the Germans weren't expecting.

With just the Hitler line left, the combined force of ten national groups and around 500,000 soldiers went to push their objectives on the 23rd. The Canadians were performing Operation Chesterfield, an attack that went against many of the soldiers that they had fought so savagely against in Ortona. In once again a World War I style battle, the Canadians used a creeping barrage before pushing through with their infantry. Taking the Hitler line was a costly affair, with 1,000 casualties for Canada alone on May 23rd. Nevertheless, it was a victory. Italy was shattered, the German lines were falling, and it paved the way for Operation Overlord, the invasion of Normandy. Unfortunately, they were unable to exploit the retreat, where so often the largest amount of casualties come, because of one major issue not commonly associated with warfare.

Traffic.

A painting of Ortona. Brilliant juxtaposition of scattered
weaponry in the forefront with damaged buildings in the
background, a stunning take on the ravages of war. Plus,
the sky looks pretty.

With thousands of vehicles pushing through only so many Italian roads, the allied forces ground to a halt. Worse yet, the British decided they would join with the Canadian vehicles to avoid a well-defended stretch not far away, adding another 20,000 vehicles to the mix.

While the assault into Italy was a success, there were many lessons to be learned. First, an amphibious assault can be successful with proper planning. Second, the Nazi's lack of air support by this time in the battle was something to be exploited. And third, blame the British for everything, because that's what they were doing to us.