The War of 1812: Opinions

It's a little out of the norm for me to give opinions as I regularly deliver only purely factual information (historical stuff doesn't give me all that many opinions anyways). However, 1812 brings up a number of questions that I would like to answer. So, if you're in for moderately informed opinions from someone on the internet, you're in for a treat.

So, who actually won the war?

"They have killed our drummer! All is lost! Sound the
retreat!"

I think this one is fairly simple; the British/Canadians won. I know it sounds very kindergarten-y to say "yeah, well, they started it" but the core of it is true here. The Americans did start the war. They engaged with the intention of expelling the British from North America, taking the land as their own, and ending impressment. They went 0/3 on those goals. Canada, at the onset of the war, was hoping simply to keep their stuff. Yes, those goals may have changed throughout the campaign when the British started to push back, but I feel that's mostly irrelevant; the goals of the war were completed for the British and not at all for the Americans. Had the British only done well enough to just barely stymie the American assault, it would have never been a question. However, with their success in pushing into American territory, those goals changed and suddenly it wasn't as clear cut. But, we have to remember how it started out - the British defended their territory, completing what they sought to do in the war.

The Americans didn't lose too much either, but more so maintained a status quo. Impressment started to pass by the wayside, but that was due to circumstances oversees rather than anything they did personally. They may have defended valiantly at the end but their purpose in entering the war was to take territory, not prevent losses.

The only one who really lost in this case were the native tribes in the area surrounding the fighting (Ohio and so forth). The native state was not established, they lost what they held previously, and many were sent to reserves or continued being kicked off the land they previously held.

Why do Americans think they won it?
Americans believe they won the war because of a number of decisive battles close to the end that all went the way of the stars and stripes. However, these battles were used as leverage when peace talks were already occurring. The British hoped to continue pushing into American territory to have a greater say in how the treaty went, planning to score a few extra points by saying "hey, we can still blow up your crap if we want to". Losing in New Orleans (and losing in a rout, at that), a defeat in a major naval battle, and failing to take Baltimore culminated in a strong end for the Americans - but the final score still weighed in favour of the British North Americans.

Can we say Canada won?
This is a tricky one.

The argument for no:

One could easily say it was all the Brits. The generals, military leaders, and backbone of the army (the British regulars, the highly trained military) were all British. It was, without question, British territory. Canada wasn't even a country at that point, and wouldn't be for another half century - and even then, it would still be under British command for some time. Even now we love hearing about the Royal Family for reasons beyond my understanding (I'm a touch confused why the British care either). Everything about it screams Britain since the spoils of war went to them, the command came from across the ocean, the best soldiers were British born, and ultimately it was America vs. Britain. If it's Britain, it's not officially Canadian, no matter how linked it may be.

Brock, thinking the battle a lock, found shock in the shot
from the glock that pierced his smock. He took his knock
on his walk to squawk at the War Hawk, alongside the Mohawk,
wielders of the tomahawk.  

The argument for yes:

No, Canada wasn't a country - but it's called Upper and Lower Canada. It's the same territory and while many of the British regulars would have gone on home, many of those that fought were those settling into that territory. Their children (well, grandchildren mostly) would be those that would grow up there and later become, unequivocally, Canadian.  And while the British regulars and generals may have been leading the fights, a massive number of soldiers were militiamen of Canada - meaning those that had settled into the lands around there and signed up to defend. These were Canadian militiamen who were British subjects.

In my mind, this absolutely was Canada, just the same as it was Britain. It was a shared victory through and through. Through the occupation of towns by the States (and, in truth, harbouring an anti-Americanism that still shines through at times today) we began to develop our own cultural identity. 1812 was one of the first steps to move from being British living overseas to true Canadians, and because of that, we can find a part in it. It was those fighting on behalf of Upper and Lower Canada who won the war, and many of whom were the basis for the country as it stands. Without them the face of Canada would be littered with American flags instead of the maple leaf.

Were the British the "good guys"?

"Oh man oh man oh man we've got to get that piece back
before the President noticed or we are so dead."

This isn't Star Wars. There's no Dark Side, pure good or evil, or Jar Jar Binks (there's only Manley Power). Everything here is rather muddled. Both sides, in a sense, are underdogs. America is the young upstart, but with the British across the ocean, they outnumbered them - making them the heavyweight in this fight if not the world. America may have declared war, but it was the British who goaded them into it with impressment and disrupting their trade. Neither side really wanted to enter the war, but felt they had to. So, all in all, the answer is clear.

Maybe?

Lasting Legacy:
With a lack of territory change, would things really have been that different if the War of 1812 didn't happen? Well, that's all conjecture. But... It showed that Canada wasn't a pushover. We may have been fewer in number, but that doesn't mean we would allow outsiders to come into our territory and set up camp. Through shirking American influence we chose to be uniquely ourselves, rather than another State, or America's hat. (Yes, still a British colony, but sort of unique.) In fact, both sides seemed to find some new identity through it - the Americans describe it as their Second War of Independance (finding independence through attacking another, but still) and it pushed us one step closer to Confederation years down the line.

Winston Churchill: Part 3 - Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat

So the World War is over and all of Europe is abuzz about this Hitler fella. Many of the Brits thought he was a bright young chap, and the kind of person they could get behind - the Nazis could be a good friend of the British. One politician praised Hitler, even going as far as comparing him to George Washington. Most people were more scared of the Bolsheviks at the time, even going as far to think that the Nazis and Fascism might stand to hold off the reds to some degree. As we have it in the 1930s, Britain seems to be growing ever fonder towards Hitler; Churchill is seen as a man prone to mistakes who had gotten his party kicked out of leadership, and then scuttled back to the Conservatives. It made him appear as an opportunist, and judging by some of his decisions and history, perhaps a bit of a warmonger.

Churchill's smile could light up a room.

It speaks to his character that he could bounce back the way he did. He was frequently controversial, but he was incorruptible and believed in his values. Say what you want about Churchill, but when he was in on something, he was in wholeheartedly. He was also one of few that distrusted the Nazis many years before they went full crazy.

Fast forward to World War II, and it would seem the world had turned topsy-turvy from what many of the citizenship (as well as a number of high ranking politicians) would have imagined. Hitler is destroying Europe, and things are looking bleak. I mean, really, really spectacularly bleak. Neville Chamberlain, then Prime Minister, had grossly underestimated Hitler's power. Appeasement of the Nazis was not only on the table but seemed a very reasonable course of action. The press was lobbying for talks with the Nazis, and the beleaguered forces of Britain would find it difficult to find the resolve to state that yes, they wished to continue fighting on what seemed like steadily diminishing odds. Think about what that would mean - appeasement would likely lead to disarmament, meaning Britain would be effectively taken out of the war. Who is to say how history would have changed had that occurred?

Chamberlain, acknowledging that he is not fit to lead Britain through those trying times, steps down. He advises the king on appointing Churchill, whom at that time was the Lord of the Admiralty as he had been in the first war, and back in those days, the word of the king was something that meant a heck of a lot more than it does now. Shortly after, Britain is on the brink of giving in to the might of the Nazi war machine, and Churchill takes the reins on May 10th, 1940. On the 18th, Churchill gives an impassioned speech to inspire the troops and politicians alike in fighting on, containing this powerful quote: "If this long island story of ours is to end at last, let it end only when each one of us lies choking in his own blood upon the ground." Holy crap, I think that just made me want to go to war for Britain. Well, in a video game maybe... and as a Canadian fighting with the British... but still, it's a great line.

One cannot overestimate the gravity of that decision for the British people. Within a year, thirty-thousand British were dead, mostly by the hands of the Germans. The stress must have been so strong one can hardly imagine, but war energized him, reportedly looking healthier and more alive than in decades. That spirit gave him the ability to make another unthinkably difficult choice in July of the same year; this one with the handling of a French harbour. In July of 1940, France was essentially Nazi territory, and the Germans were rapidly approaching their shipyards. The French ships were state of the art, top class vessels that could very well turn the tide of a war if they fell into the wrong hands. Churchill demanded that they either sail the ships out or scuttle them (pop a hole in the bottom of the boat) rather than risk them being used in helping their enemy. It was a dreadfully tense situation, and French reinforcements were coming and would find a number of British ships with their weapon sights locked-on to their own boats. Churchill urged the French, but they wouldn't listen; they didn't believe the Nazis would be able to overtake the harbour and steal their ships before they sailed them out. Churchill didn't want to take the chance, and time was of the essence.

The horrible tragedy that launched the Milton Bradley game.

The British fired upon the harbour, killing 1,297 Frenchmen, damaged five ships, and sinking a battleship. The French saw it as nothing short of a betrayal, and it's easy to understand why. It remains to this day a controversial move. If anything, it shows that Britain was in it to the last, would fight to the end, and any other cliched statements that are now used predominantly in sports movies.

Amidst all the war preparations and strategizing, he had to rally the public and the soldiers through his speeches. Fortunately, Churchill had to be one of the greatest speakers of all time. Both his willingness and history of being up close and personal in battle adds authenticity to when he calls for Britain to stand tall. Take this speech for instance:

Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God's good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old. 

Chief Clancy Wig- I mean, Winston Churchill
during an air raid.

I'm not typically one for quoting whole paragraphs, but it's really something else. Plus, it leads me into the next section of Churchill's ambitions: to bring America into the war (and maybe work on reducing run-on sentences in his speeches). Churchill met with Franklin Roosevelt countless times during his run as P.M.. He had a strong relationship with F.D.R., which meant that the U.S. helped provide the British with close military help if not direct aid in manpower. Of course, it was Pearl Harbour that brought more than just American weapons to the European theatre, ultimately turning the tide against the Germans, but in the times leading up to the attack it was Churchill that had them shipping weapons.

Right when the Allies won the war (spoiler) Churchill lost his seat as Prime Minister. From there, he continued warning against the Russian powers (turns out he called that one too) before once again being elected as Prime Minister.

Winston Churchill died in 1965, leaving quite the legacy. He had been of critical importance in both world wars, served twice as P.M., won the Nobel prize, and fought in armed combat personally on multiple occasions. I don't think we've seen another politician quite like him. I don't think we ever will.

Winston Churchill: Part 2 - Missteps in the Great War

His quotation "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage
is also what it takes to sit down and listen" must have been a
real hit with the ladies.

When people speak of the greatness of Winston Churchill they probably gloss over World War I with a cough, muttering "he had some exploits then, too." His intentions (for most of his mistakes at least) were well meaning, but through bad luck, bad admirals, or flat out bad decisions, Churchill bumbled through the war with a number of errors under his belt - and his political career surely felt the brunt of it. It may not have been all terrible, though, so lets get the good out of the way first. It won't take long.

Trench warfare has got to rank high on the list for the worst things humanity has done to itself. Soldiers are human cannon fodder, rife with disease and shell shocked into delirium, with their generals having little more of a plan for them beyond running straight into the line of sight of the enemy for the purposes of gaining a scant few yards of territory. Churchill knew of the savagery of trench warfare, and hoped to break open holes in the front with a new and innovative idea. A fan of the use of technology to spill oil rather than blood (at least not British blood, that is) he helped to pioneer area bombing and was a strong supporter of the use of mustard gas. Surprisingly, his greatest contribution was coming up with the idea for the tank, if not the exact design. He took his chance at having a team put together the plans for caterpillar tanks, equipped with treads rather than wheels to traverse the rough terrain of the front. I shouldn't have to tell you that it was not only a major success, but it changed the face of warfare for years to come. The technology also may have been a crucial component to Hitler's Blitzkrieg tactics later on, but... hey, you can't blame him for that. As a bit of trivia, the name "tank" came from the way they hid the planning stage from the Germans. It was meant to sound like an operation in which the British were sending water tanks to beleaguered soldiers, and the name tank just stuck.

So lets get to the bad, now that we're feeling a little better about ol' Winny.

The first mistakes in his WWI campaign were fairly minimal. Antwerp, one of a few critical ports, was sure to fall into German hands. Churchill sent a number of British troops to help defend it as it could not do so on its own. What went wrong is, in a nutshell, they lost. They couldn't hold on, and the Germans eventually took Antwerp - but - they held on long enough to secure some of the other ports that would likely have been lost if it were not for the time that Antwerp bought them. So... as far as blunders go, he's off to a rough start but nothing really all that bad. In fact, you can argue he's coming out slightly better than even.

Big Berta howitzers were in the German's arsenal at Antwerp.
Churchill foolishly brought the American-made Little Debbie.

What really goes wrong is his decision to attack through the Dardanelles, a strait near the Mediterranean. His plan was to attack Constantinople and take the Ottoman Empire out of the war (it's easy to forget that the Ottoman Empire was actually in World War I, as the name sounds so middle-ages). In doing so, they could free up some allied-leaning countries to their side and flank the Germans, forcing them to fight on two fronts. Wording it that way it sounds like a solid plan. In reality, however, 180,000 died by the time the operation ended, many falling to disease, without getting near Constantinople. It has remained a sore spot on Britain's Commonwealth as a tremendous number of soldiers died there. They lost their lives, he lost his job.

The Ottoman generals that were victorious in the
Dardanelles. Each man's surname is now a product line
of ottomans at Ikea.

Churchill later rejoins the government as the Minister of Munitions, and this time he sets his sights on those pesky Russians. His plan was to squash communism and the Bolsheviks whom he thought were a major threat - which, in retrospect, seems pretty spot on. To summarize it, he lost. Again. But - he came very close to victory, nearly reaching Moscow, which would have turned the tides of history who knows where. It may have saved countless Russians from living in tyranny for, well, pretty much then until now, depending how you see Putin.

So World War I ends, but Churchill in 1922 still has some ammunition left in his rifles and he feels it just wouldn't be right to let them go to waste. He gets word that the Turks may be threatening some garrisons over near - where else? - the Dardanelles. He wanted to step in and show them who's boss, perhaps winning back some of the pride he lost in his first defeat there that nearly ended his career, but the British people for some difficult to pin down reason had grown rather tired of warfare. The Liberal party in which he joined after leaving the Conservatives collapsed and he lost his seat.  His career in shambles, one can only assume this spells the end for Winston, one of the greatest political minds in history.

Right? Right?

Better check in next time and see.

Winston Churchill: Part 1 - The Man Himself

"Yes, mother, I am quite dapper"
says Winston, aged 7.

Winston Churchill was a politician that in no possible circumstance could exist today. His bravery and constant desire to be close to the line of fire would have his bodyguards shaking in their boots; his strong views would cause the party in which he belonged panic (let alone the fact that he switched from the Conservatives to the Liberals and then back again, which by all means should be political suicide enough); and his quick but often abrasive wit would surely get him in trouble time and time again, causing what would now be a massive political scandal on a bi-weekly basis. My personal favourite quote has Churchill being accused of being a little under the influence. "Winston, you are drunk", she said. He replies, "Madam, you are ugly, and I will be sober in the morning." (Note - a number of his quotes have changed albeit slightly over the years, so you may have heard it slightly differently.) It has to be the best political "burn" since the countless quips of the Spartans. In all fairness to the presumedly ugly woman, he probably was drunk at the time as he had a propensity to be drinking and smoking at every waking hour, adding to his mystique in that one wonders how he survived past thirty with his lifestyle and habits. So in a nutshell - he's as quick with his words as he is rushing into a fight. Somewhere along the way he would find the time to win the Nobel Prize in literature. But that's the understanding of wartime Churchill - let's start with how he got there.

The Churchill family home. I bet they film Downton Abbey
here.

Churchill wasn't a product of a rough neighbourhood that led him to be so astoundingly courageous in the many wars in which he participated. In fact, quite the opposite - he was born into wealth and class, and darn near became the Duke of Marlborough (I assume that's prestigious). His father was a renowned politician, and his family dynasty includes one of Britain's great military heroes that fought with the French - and seeing as how no one likes the French, that must have helped a lot. That doesn't mean he had an easy life, though. His father Randolph was as bristly in personality as colossal Victorian era British moustaches are in feel, always disapproving of Winston and being astonishingly open of his disappointment in his son. He just wasn't what one would call a loving father; in one letter to his Winston, he instructs him to refrain from calling him such an affectionate term as Papa and to use the more formal word, father.

Sheesh.

Winston frequently sought the approval from his father he so sorely lacked. He followed in his footsteps, becoming a wealthy reporter in South Africa (just like his father) and became a politician that was skilled in the art of rabble-rousing (switching parties, just like Randolph). What is strange is Winston seemed like a pretty good kid, and if anything it was Randolph that fell short. He died when Winston just hit his twenties from syphilis, which, just as it does now, has certain connotations that ruined his political career and caused him a great deal of shame. Winston felt Randolph deserved better, and sought to restore the family name. (Spoiler - he succeeds.)

Churchill in full military regalia. Amazingly,
he has retained his ability to stay dapper.

Around the time of his father's death, Winston began his lengthy and prestigious military career. Starting in Cuba at age twenty as a British officer and front lines reporter, he then moved on to India, Sudan and the Boer War, before the big two. During these battles Churchill seemed to almost have a suicidal level of daring, charging into battle and taking a strange level of enjoyment in bullets whizzing past his head time and time again. In his life, he would be shot at on four separate continents, which seems like something only a handful of people could say, let alone arguably the most famous Prime Minister in British history. He revelled in war, feeling a great deal of excitement - somehow. This plays well into his later years, frequently requesting to be closer to the front lines and occasionally succeeding in doing so in spite of being in positions where he could very reasonably stay on the sidelines without anyone batting an eye.

In the coming blogs, we'll see Churchill fight the Germans, become a Prime Minister, then fight Nazi Germans, and provide so many great quotations that you could fill an entire junior high classroom with his motivational statements alone. You might want to omit the times he commented on people "working like blacks" or the time he declared he had "no interest in the quarrels of the yellow peoples" and instead focus on things like "attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

Shackleton's Endurance: Part 3 - Seeking Rescue

OK, I believe a recap is in order. The situation began poorly with Shackleton's expedition getting stranded in ice just short of land out on the Weddell Sea. It then progressed to serious as the boat was crushed, leaving them only with lifeboats and 1914-era determination. From there, it moved to desperate, in which they had to abandon the majority of their gear and kill their dogs in an attempt to keep light while moving north. What came next pushed the situation up to grave, as the ice floes they were hoping to float back north through good luck/magic/1914-era determination were beginning to crack, forcing them to their boats. Here's where it goes from grave, to... I'm out of synonyms, but something significantly worse than grave.

Twenty-two of the men from the expedition. Also pictured:
regret; mild disappointment.

They set sail for Elephant Island, not so much a refuge as it was a checkpoint in getting back to safety. It was uninhabited, rarely visited, and didn't provide much in the way of shelter or food. It was, however, a place relatively within striking distance of land and civilization rather than ice. They took to their three lifeboats, not particularly well equipped for the harsh conditions they were in but better than anything else they had at their disposal. They would row between the ice floes during the day, and by night they would hop upon them and try their best to get some sleep in spite of being wet, cold, and exceptionally hungry. The rowing was brutal beyond reason; their hands freezing to the point of frostbite was a regular occurrence, and the men were running short on energy as it was. Bear in mind they had little more than seal and penguin to eat, save for small rations of bread that would have to be given out with the thought in mind that they were rapidly depleting their stores. 

Even when they weren't rowing (they would work in shifts) it was little better. Much of the time was spent pulling buckets of water out of the boat as it filled up with water, which was a problem for two rather obvious reasons; boats filling up with water traditionally don't fare well, and the water was frigid in temperature and froze their feet. The water would sometimes come up to their knees, and their boots, with lining losing their integrity over time, would no longer provide much warmth. The men would have to constantly wiggle their toes, which was extremely painful but much preferable to losing that feeling as that would possibly be the last time they would have sensation in them at all. Even cramping was a serious problem as they had precious little room to move about for day after day on the water. In addition to all of this, they feared killer whales that would occasionally flip an ice floe to feast on penguins or seals. As if the frozen waters beneath them didn't provide an element of fear, an animal with a violent adjective in its very name might come looking for them.

The lifeboats they used to sail around the icebergs.
I wouldn't trust it at the wave pool at the water-park

While camping on the floes for the night provided somewhat of a temporary reprieve, the sheets of ice would also be susceptible to cracking. One did just that right where the men were sleeping. He was saved, but only after being dropped into the water and frozen to the point where hypothermia might very well kill him. Keep in mind he only had the one change of clothes as they were forced to lighten the load earlier in the expedition, which meant he had to constantly keep moving in spite of his clothes rapidly crystallizing with the ice freezing all around him. Of course, his response to all the incredible pain was saying the "only thing I regret is my bloody tobacco's down there in the drink". At this point I'm doubting these men were real, and are instead just early depictions of '80s action heroes. New Expendables 4 hero Ernest Shackleton anyone?!

The men wave goodbye to Shackleton and the others
as their lives depend on their success as well. Also pictured:
desperation, sadness.

After just short of a week in the boats, the men touched land for the first time in a year and four months. They had reached Elephant Island, far from a prize as it was small, cold and desolate. It was also going to be their home for the next while, at least for most of the men. Shackleton, however, knew they couldn't stay with the limited resources they had. He decided he would sail back with six of his men to South Georgia, their starting point of the expedition, and hope to find civilization once more. His plan was to take a twenty-two foot long boat, sail eight hundred miles, and do it all in the world's most treacherous ocean. 

So what of the other men? They would stay behind as Shackleton would make a break for it, surviving in constant blizzards in a makeshift tent that was brutally cold literally all the time. One man during the boat trip to Elephant Island suffered through frostbite on his feet to the point they had to be amputated - on the island itself, right then and there, with whatever tools the doctors had and with chloroform as the anesthetic. Another man developed a massive abscess on his buttocks due to the seemingly endless amount of sitting in the cramped space on the boat. Of course, it had to be drained. Unfortunately for him (and for the other men, perhaps especially for the other men) he couldn't be separated from the group due to the cold. They had to sleep near a man that just had his butt drained of "two pints of foul smelling liquid". All the while they had no means of knowing if Shackleton would ever return at all. All they could do was wait, hope, sleep, pray and smell abhorrent things.

Shackleton was faring no better. The six men would work 'round the clock in four hour shifts, hoping to sleep but finding little of it. It was a tremendous task just to simply keep the boat afloat in spite of nature trying her best to bring it down. They were so close to death that the men would sometimes have to check a pulse just to... double check, so to speak. Strong winds and crashing waves almost caused their deaths time and time again. Worse yet, seawater spilled into their fresh water supply, furthering their difficulties as if they didn't have enough already. After fourteen harrowing days, they finally reached South Georgia - with the last day being in sight of land but the conditions being too treacherous to move ashore. When they finally reached the shore, they realized another problem - a rather significant one. There was a nearly impassable mountain range in between them and the whaling communities they sought for rescue. At this point it feels like a season ending cliffhanger for a T.V. show - they had just done something that should have been impossible, and now they're heading headlong into something somehow more difficult than before.

The South Georgia interior had until then never been crossed. It was a perilous land of glaciers and mountain peaks and a number of other things that are meant to be climbed only by those with years of preparation, know-how, and equipment... and even then, perhaps not. These were men that had just survived seventeen days at sea, were horribly frostbitten, exhausted, and carrying with them little more than a rope and an axe. Their journey wasn't even straight forward; it full of backtracking and dead ends as they carried no map and harboured no knowledge of the area. On their first night, they were caught high on a mountain which would surely kill them by morning if they had stayed. Their solution - and if this were an '80s action show, this is where it's criticized for abandoning realism - was to recklessly slide down the mountain, hoping they wouldn't hit anything that would kill them. Apparently, when they reached as far as they could go, they laughed it off and carried on. It was the first fun they had had in months.

This is the mountain range they had to cross. Shackleton,
upon seeing it, was quoted as saying "no biggie."

After a thirty-six hour trek, Shackleton and crew arrived at a whaling camp and spoke with the head of the organization there. The man at first didn't recognize him, so filthy and worse for wear. Upon realizing who it was - bear in mind he was surely thought to be dead - the man broke into tears. Shortly after, the rescue boats were on their way. Not a single man died in spite of it all. The mountain range they crossed would not be conquered for another three decades.

Upon return, Shackleton was met with a country consumed by war, and because of that he was met with little fanfare. A number of the men went on to enlist, one being killed at sea just six weeks after signing up, many others receiving injuries. Shackleton would later attempt one last expedition but would pass away from a heart attack during the trip. In a sense, it's a sad ending to an incredible man, but at the very least he died doing what he loved. How in the world he would wish to go back to exploring after that experience will remain a mystery. 

___________________________________________

The information for this blog came from two excellent sources. One, Endurance: Shackleton's Incredible Voyage by Alfred Lansing, is an absolute must read for those who like to read about thrilling adventures without actually having to partake in them. The other is an excellent documentary (voiced by Liam Neeson!) called The Endurance: Shackleton's Legendary Antarctic Expedition for those of you who would like to read about thrilling adventures without actually having to partake in them, but opt for the movie instead. You can watch it here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyQRHHHXntc

___________________________________________

Shackleton's Endurance: Part 1 - Setting Sail

Ernest Shackleton hails from a time when men were men; they smoked from pipes, their beards were thick and full, and the idea of going on a harrowing expedition with only a moderate chance of survival sounds just like their very British cup of tea. This was the time where man sought to have no land left unconquered, and who better to do that than the English? They were at the forefront of the age of grand discoveries and romanticized travels full of danger and heroism, with all the fame, riches and glory that come with such adventures. Unfortunately for them, the south pole had already been reached by a Norwegian, and one that beat out Shackleton as he was trying to do just that. Now it was his time to shine, late in his exploring life and with hopes of one last shot at expedition redemption, he sought to traverse Antarctica by land from one side to the other. The result was a voyage so mentally and physically taxing that many of the men, tough as nails

A young Ernest Shackleton: he put the "boat" in
"Dreamboats of the Great Age of Antarctic
Expeditions".

as they were, refused to discuss it with their friends or family; a few would not allow their children to ever read their diaries of their journey until after they had passed.

Why Shackleton decided to attempt this is beyond me. I guess it's just in the blood of people back then, as now people are much more satisfied with living their lives while simultaneously keeping tremendous physical pain and stress to a minimum. Back then it just wasn't as big of a deal - which is why when Shackleton called for good men to assist him in his task and be on the ship that sailed towards the frozen continent he had a great number of responses. Five thousand men sent word that they wished to join him for adventure, glory, and all the fun that frostbite has to offer. But how could he have convinced them to join, considering the danger and the horrible conditions they would have to endure? Well, his ad was this, copied verbatim. Despite what you may believe, I'm not making this up. "Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success."

How men read that and thought "where do I sign up?" is so beyond me I lack the words to describe it.

The crew chopping away at the ice hoping to
free the boat to move forward. I, uh, don't
have high hopes for how that will turn out.

Seven months of preparation found them ready to depart in 1914 with twenty-seven men and sixty-nine Canadian sled dogs ready at his side. Unfortunately, 1914 was known for another rather large event, and Shackleton felt it was his duty to offer his services in the war. He contacted the British navy if he should send his ships to battle instead of exploration, who replied with the single word "proceed". It wasn't that they were war-dodging - one man even wrote in his journal that he would "hope to be home in nineteen months and go straight to the front." He then commented on how it's a "glorious age we live in". I'm legitimately confused if he meant for the second half to be sarcastic or if men back then were so unspeakably brave as to be genuinely pleased at the opportunity to fight in a war only after risking their lives on an expedition to a continent in which no human should be.  Regardless of how he or the men felt about missing their... opportunity?... to enter the war, Shackleton was ready to depart. He had named his ship the Endurance, after his family motto: "By endurance we conquer". On December 5th, 1914 they headed south from South Georgia, an island whaling community far to the east of the southernmost point of South America. Fortunately for us, there are plenty of photographs and footage from their expedition as a large amount of the funding for the expedition came from investors paying for the right to sell the documentation they took during the trip.

It wasn't long before they hit the Weddell Sea - a half-frozen body of water which is essentially a massive, constantly shifting ice field. Historian Thomas R. Henry describes the testimony of men who have travelled the sea as "berg-filled waters, the most treacherous and dismal region on earth". They made it far through the sea, travelling in between ice bergs and breaking through the thinner sheets of ice, but in February the temperature dropped rapidly and suddenly - somewhat of an unlucky and unexpected occurrence - that froze the very water around the ship. The men attacked it with picks and shovels and tried to press on through it, but to no avail. The ship had become trapped between two massive ice floes, large bodies of ice that are not attached to any land. Just like that, they were stuck. In Antarctica. On a floating body of ice. With no means of rescue or return. They would have to wait until Spring to move again, which was seven months from then. The unfortunate explorers were stopped just one day sail from land - but this is just the beginning of their problems. They have the warmth of a ship, food at the ready in their stores, and one of their most prominent enemies at this time was boredom. Things were about to get worse - and by a grand, terrible margin.

Remind me again why anyone would want to do this?

The Hundred Years' War: Part 4 - Joan of Arc

When I was nineteen years old, I had just finished high school, was busy coasting through the first year of university, and my most important struggle was balancing just enough time to pass my courses while devoting as much time as possible to World of Warcraft. Joan of Arc at the age of nineteen had the somewhat more significant worries of convincing a king her visions of saints were real, rallying the beleaguered forces of France to an unlikely victory, and eventually trying to find a way to avoid being burned at the stake for heresy. Fortunately, now at age 23, I can safely say I've caught up in notoriety as I have now found that balance of video game time and schoolwork.

In case you hadn't read the previous entires, at the point in history when Joan of Arc was born, France was in a tremendous amount of trouble. The Hundred Years' War was drawing to a close with Britain controlling much of northern France and tightening the noose around the southern half. Orleans was one of the last bastions of French power, and if that city were to fall it would have been quite likely the food in France would be changing from baguettes to crumpets.

Joan of Arc, hardly concerned with
her terrible case of helmet-hair.

Fortunately, the saviour of the French people (saving them from generations of terrible English bread) came in an unlikely form - a twelve year old girl who hears voices. Honestly, the whole story sounds so ridiculous if it were a television show instead of cold, historical fact it would be deemed so unbearably ludicrous no one would have any interest. Well, I suppose Joan of Arcadia was created, but from what I can tell from IMDB she didn't lead any armies into battle, and the series finale contained one less stake burning than you would expect.

Joan began to see visions of saints - Catherine, Margaret and Michael, specifically - who told her she was the only one able to drive the English out of French territory. The dreams must have been convincing as she actually bothered to act on them; I feel with most dreams, you wake up and forget the majority of it and wonder what the heck garden gnomes had to do with any of it. Believing them to be true, she tried to manage safe passage to the soon-to-be French king, but was initially denied. What finally won the army over to let her see the dauphin was an accurate prediction on a British assault. Likely fearing they have nothing to lose if they brought her over, and their eternal souls at stake if they were to deny the will of God if the girl was telling the truth, Joan was on her way to the court of the dauphin.

Somehow she managed to impress the French court. The government gave her armour, and her horse, sword and banner came through donations provided to her through other means. The reason why the French went along with this seemingly asinine plan was they simply may have exhausted all of their non-ridiculous options. With Orleans under siege and pretty much everything going to crap around them, they must have been in the mood for a long-shot.

When appearing on the battlefield, she quickly changed the course of the siege. France had been defending for an exceptionally long time, pretty well allowing the British to step in and begin to attack the city. In all fairness, Orleans was exceptionally well defended, and would have proved to be an incredibly difficult city to overtake. However, defence was not in the cards for Joan's plan, and she decided to take the fight to the British. She hit the outlying areas and small encampments of British that were surrounding the city, effectively stopping the siege itself after only a few days time. The beginning stages of the military campaign of Joan of Arc were off to a resoundingly strong start.

Joan of Arc bringing the dauphin to Reims. She's... in the centre I think.

The dauphin, Charles VII, realized that if Joan of Arc were to lead the military movements, or at the very least be the face of the resistance, it was soon to become a religiously charged war seeing as the visions of Joan's youth were the reason for her taking over. Background checks (I don't know how these were done - I don't think they had computers) were done on Joan's character, which she passed with flying colours. The worry was if she was to succeed, but was not morally sound, the crowning of the king would be as if it was given to him by the devil - false visions from someone of a low moral standing. They had to ensure she was good or else she would be branded a heretic or sorceress, but not the cool kind of spell-casting sorceress in RPG video games.

As for the actual military leadership of Joan of Arc? Well, it's a little up for debate: she never actually had direct command, and she played more of an advisor role more than anything else. She was likely just a standard bearer, carrying around a sword but not one to really charge into battle and lay waste to a bunch of snarling Brits. That being said, she wasn't entirely out of the fighting either; she took an arrow around the neck and shoulder but returned to the fight shortly after. Later she would take another wound, this one a crossbow bolt to the leg, but power through it once again.

Her capture while trying to pass the dreaded Burgundian wallpapered pass.

Regardless of how strong of a role she played, she brought a strong morale boost to the people of France, a gleaming beacon of hope on an otherwise disparaging battlefield. Showing her boldness once again, she planned to charge the English ranks and cut a gap in their defences allowing the French dauphin to march towards Reims for his coronation. This caught the English off-guard, as they expected her to go pretty much anywhere but, and the result was a slaughter of the English and a resounding French victory.

This would be the last great victory for Joan of Arc, as she was captured by the Burgundians (one half of the French civil war that sided with the British) in a battle sometime after. In spite of rescue and escape attempts (she tried jumping seventy feet from the tower she was kept in) she was put on trial for heresy. Now, it sounds a little silly to say she didn't get a fair trial - I mean, she's about as far as friendly to the British as she could be - but the whole thing is actually kind of a mess. She was tried for heresy - that means it was a trial that was taken care of by the church, and should have no secular interference. However, because of the degree of importance in British affairs, there were threats-a-plenty, tampering of evidence, and the jury was all English (presumedly put in place by a medieval-era Johnnie Cochran). Obviously, she was convicted and burned at the stake, showing that if you claim to hear the voices of saints and be under orders of God, you best be able to prove it.

She was later deemed innocent after a retrial (her ashes ecstatic at the verdict) and went on to become a saint. Now, France has to deal with the fact that one of their greatest military leaders was a teenage girl.

The Hundred Years' War: Part 3 - Lancastrian War

A modern depiction of the Dauphin.

If you have found this blog by chance, saw the word 'Lancastrian' and read it as 'Lannister', I apologize but you are about to be sorely disappointed. This blog is about the third instalment of The Hundred Years' War, detailing the Lancastrian period in which we see such delightful characters as Joan of Arc (later represented by Lisa Simpson), the King of France (later represented by Milhouse Van Houten) and the King of England (later represented by a great number of boring and aesthetically displeasing paintings made during or after that century). The previous section of the war reminds us that history is no cohesive story, meant to entertain and follow a beginning, middle and end style narrative with a thrilling climax brought to us by Gerard Butler in slow motion. It's simply a retelling of events as they happen - in this case, the middle section (the Caroline war) was simply a number of battles and exchanges of territory, spicier than peacetime but not being altogether all that groundbreaking. I guess the burning and pillaging of the French countryside and the Fabian tactics to defeat the British were pretty cool, but.. I don't know. The addition of some interesting subplots (the king of England is secretly a woman! or every single battle turns into an underdog/last stand story in which the outnumbered win in a surprise victory!) would certainly have made it a little better. Fortunately, this one has a little more substance.

But anyways...

A civil war had started in France between the Armagnacs party and the Burgundians - two rivals in south and northern France, respectively. The first battle in the Lancastrian War went soundly to the British, the Battle of Agincourt being a strong victory for the English over the Armagnacs. Henry V, the king, continued on to win fight after fight and take greater levels of territory all the while spilling all sorts of French blood, not to be confused with wine, despite the high blood/alcohol level. At this point the French king, Charles VI, started to get a little weary of all this death and destruction rampaging across his homeland which would be more than a little bit of a downer. Fearing the worst, he was forced into a treaty with the British, stating that Henry was to marry his daughter (whoring out your daughters was socially acceptable back then, when women were pretty much political currency for alliance purposes). Anyone who was to marry the French princess would then be the one to take the French throne - this of course meaning that the Dauphin (which I have just now learned means the eldest son of the king of France - you're welcome for saving you a google search) no longer has a legitimate claim to the throne. We can only imagine that upon hearing that news the poor lad would be rather peeved.

Both sides quickly learn that arrows are not the only
form of weaponry that can be fired at unnecessarily
close range.

Henry V died sometime afterwards, as the French king followed suit. In the wake of the British king's death, his infant sone took what I can only imagine to be an adorable baby sized crown and made an alliance with the Burgundians who backed the young one. The Armagnacs, on the other hand, continued to support the French side of things and held out in the southern half of France.

Despite already losing a great number of battles and men, things continued to go downhill for France when at this point they thought the drop couldn't get much steeper. A French and Scottish army lost 16,000 men, the Scots being surrounded and destroyed along with their commanders, marking the last time major reinforcements would come to France from Scotland. Losing allies, fighting a civil war and the British, their leaders killed and their ranks scattered or dead as well, France was looking like they were on the brink of annihilation. In fact, Britain thought so too - they began to lay siege to the exceptionally well defended Armagnac capital of Orleans. Taking that would be a crippling blow to France.

Joan of Arc, nicknamed "The Maid of
Orleans"; she was the original French Maid.
Oh la la.

Like most great battles of history, the tides turned when one teenage girl started hearing voices in her head. Joan of Arc, after apparently having visions of God instructing her to defeat the British, convinces the Dauphin to send her to the siege. She then steps up to the plate, inspiring the troops through medieval pump-up music and paintings of montages, and rallies the broken French armies into a powerful fighting force. Hitting the small groups surrounding the city, she frees it from the siege and continues on to break the lines of English troops. This allows the Dauphin to march through to Reims and be crowned officially.

After leading a number of minor victories, Joan of Arc was eventually captured and burned at the stake as a witch, the British simply blaming the fact that they got out maneuvered by a girl on nothing short of magic. Regardless of her progress, the English still thought they would be able to maintain control of France and eventually succeed in the takeover. What was the real nail in the coffin for them was Burgundy eventually removing themselves as an ally, leaving them without adequate support to take over such a large territory with such a high number of people.

Thus ends the Hundred Years' War. Over a century of incredible battles summed up in three crappy, poorly informed blog posts.

The Hundred Years' War: Part 2 - Caroline War

I remembered thinking "you know, I've got a lot of time at home this month, being between school and my summer job - I best write a lot, as I'll have more time now than ever." This was before I realized the World Cup was starting, and if I wasn't there to watch Spain fail, who would? Well... pretty close to half the world would... but I wanted to be a part of that half.

Numerous technological and military strategy advances
since the time of the Edwardian War led them to figure out
they could shoot their bows not just one foot away from
their enemy, but two.

Anyways, we left off with the end of the first third of the Hundred Years' War. In case you didn't read it, I'll sum it up; both the English and the French are fighting, sometimes they win, sometimes they lose, and they'll eventually call a truce. They'll cancel it shortly after, fight a little more, sometimes winning, sometimes losing, until they're out of resources and call a truce. Repeat these steps for a few years, and that's the Edwardian War. The second, named the Caroline War, is so named after Charles V of France who started the war back up again after the treaty no longer seemed appealing, which seems like all the rage back then. If you're wondering how the name 'Charles' converts to 'Caroline', well, you're not the only one.

Anyways, do you remember the War of Breton Succession? It occurred during the first section of the war, and the result was an English victory (or at least in the sense that the victorious claimant to the throne was the one England was backing). However, during the Caroline war, the French king reconciled with the new leader of Brittany, effectively giving the English no advantage. In fact, if anything it worked against them - Bertrand du Guesclin, who backed the French interests in Brittany, became an important commander for the French after the British pretty well swept in and took things over in there.

A statue of Bertrand du Guesclin,
apparently riding an eyeless, soulless
horse into battle.

Upon the restarting of the war (an English commander was killed, reigniting it) du Guesclin ran a series of carefully planned hit and runs, Fabian strategy style. He avoided major English armies, but took a number of towns along the way. When he did engage them, he was successful as well - he actually forced the Black Prince to leave France after defeating him soundly. To draw him into more open battle, bringing him out of his Fabian hidings, the English began to launch a number of Chevauchees. Chevauchees were attacks to basically break the world - crush the whole countryside to the point that they would have to face you, lest your country be pretty well annihilated. Even then, he was reluctant to attack, picking away at the forces and ultimately being quite successful.

Continuing the streak of French dominance in this section of the war, the English also began to lose their dominance at sea - kind of a low point for them considering their whole freaking country is pretty darn close to a coastline. The Battle of La Rochelle proved disastrous for the English, preventing them from properly supplying any expeditions into France and stifling their trade. The reaction was presumedly a great number of Brits saying "blimey...". England has had a rough go lately - first, the great sea battle of La Rochelle, and today they've lost 2-1 to Uruguay in the World Cup... if you see a British person, give them a pat on the back and some Earl Grey.

In the wake of getting their butts most thoroughly kicked, a one year truce was called and stretched out for several more years, ending the Caroline War with a number of French victories. Between this third and the next, Edward III and Charles V both died, being replaced by their much too young sons. That's surely to bring some controversy up.

The Hundred Years' War: Part 1 - Edwardian War

The Hundred Years' War, just from the name itself, gives rise to three varieties of people: one, a somewhat embarrassed person running a google search for "how long was 'The Hundred Years' War?"; two, someone eagerly awaiting the chance to correct someone and state the war actually spanned 116 years; and third, a one-upper arises to gleefully correct number two in saying that the timeframe stretched 116 years but the times in which they were actually fighting was somewhat shorter. Personally, I have already been number one, but by the time I am done this series I hope to be more than ready to be the jerk who becomes two, three, or even better, both on separate occasions when the need arises. As you know, the surest way to make friends is to correct people on minor details.

Edward III, practicing drawing the
family crest.

To set the tone for this exceedingly long conflict, I'll give a little background. The Edwardian War is the first of three sets of conflicts to split up the Hundred Years' War into more manageable pieces, this particular piece ranging from the dates of 1337-1360. The fighting arises from issues of who is the rightful owner of the French crown. The two choices came down to a matter of lineage mixed with a little bit of a distate of the idea of women in power. Charles IV, the king of France, died, the nearest male in line being Edward III of England - his mother being Isabella, sister of the dead king. However, since only men could be the leading monarch, he could not have lineage passed down from his mother - or so was the argument from the French aristocracy who claimed the nearest heir was Philip VI who may have been a little further out but went through a line of manhood. It was a case of "no girls allowed" that turned into a series of wars that lasted over a century.

Now, keep in mind that the war has not yet started - this is all just build up. When things really went south was when the French decided they were going to go in and take over Gascony, a place that preferred the rule of an English king that, for lack of a better term, decided to let them do their own thing without too much intervention - the French, on the other hand, felt the need to stick their stereotypically long noses into their affairs. This was what largely led to the war, but there were some other notable issues as well. Allegiances in the lower countries were split, France moved a naval fleet close to England (the middle ages way 'flexing' when you're a ruler), and France also supported Scotland who were by no means cool with England, which is an entirely different matter altogether. The issues in Scotland later allowed Mel Gibson to yell while wearing blue face-paint - a win for the whole world, really.

Edward III, the king of England, taking over in the wake of Edward II (who history seems to acknowledge was somewhat of a screwup) was charged with defending Gascony while the rest of the English fighting force would invade France from the north. Edward also purchased support in the lower countries in the form of mercenary groups and allegiances, forming an alliance which cost in the hundreds of thousands of pounds. He had to take out a loan from a few separate banks just to pay for the war, and you'll find that economics plays a massive role in how it all plays out.

While the English were holding out in Gascony, the French attacked the coastline of England, raiding a number of cities. England's armies split between a number of locations (the coastal defense, moving south into France, and defending in Gascony) meant a notable lack of protection against the general unrest of Scotland. Edward knew he had to solidify alliances with other lands or else he would slowly crumble under the weight of just too many battles. Fortunately, he got some help from Philip, although not intentionally. The would-be French king placed an embargo on the English goods going into Flanders (it's stated as mostly wool, but one can naturally assume tea, soccer balls and VHS copies of Monty Python were likely in the mix). Relying on those goods, Flanders revolted, taking a few other cities with the in the fight. It resulted in a strengthening of his forces in the south, as the low countries saw themselves as rebelling against Philip in favour of the true king of France - who, in this case, would be Edward... England's king. Yes, I find that a little confusing as well, but here we are.

A picture of one of the battles where they have not yet
learned that a bow and arrow can be used to attack an
enemy from greater than one foot away.

Many battles waged between both sides with varying degrees of success for both. Eventually, what struck the hardest was the economic pain of war. Crippling levels of debt plagued (foreshadowing!) both sides of the war, and they decided on a truce mostly due to a lack of funds to continue paying soldiers to go fight. As a result, they called what would be a relatively brief peace treaty.

During the peacetime, the Breton War of Succession came to pass. In a similar situation, a desire for the throne threw everything into chaos. Instead of going fully in depth about what the sides were so upset about, I'll give you the basics: France supported one guy who wanted the throne, the guy they didn't support went to England for help. By the way, a Breton is someone from the area in France called Brittany, in what I can only assume was called Breton instead of Briton because the English had already beaten them to the punch on that one. Anyways, to sum it up, England's armies won out and they called a truce once again due to exhaustion of resources.

William de la Pole, an important investor
for Edward III's war effort. Money was so
important they made a statue out of him.

The peace of course didn't last forever, and Edward was at it again with a great number of ships and men meant to raid and loot the countryside of France. They wouldn't take the territory, not wanting to engage the French quite yet, and would instead just pillage. The French eventually forced a battle, but the longbowmen of the British side were ultimately the deciding factor in pushing them back successfully. The Black Death (foreshadowing complete!) eventually stopped England from mounting any further pushes through France for the time being.

Once the plague started to recede, the fighting in this excessively stop and start war began again. Edward's son (lovably nicknamed the Black Prince, although not for any love of Ozzy Osbourne) took up the reins and went back to war, but this time with a notably savage twist; the raids he conducted were meant to kill the resources of the king, spread fear, and demoralize the French. During the fighting, the British captured the king and ransomed him off for a massive cost.

Completely lacking money at this point, France picks whatever is left of the bones of the peasantry, but scrapes a little too hard. An uprising (the Jacquerie, it's called) of the peasant class from the imposition of ridiculously high taxes, unpaid work and, regardless of all the taxation, the duty to defend the houses of the people pushing these rules on them. It was more of an anvil that broke the camel's back, rather than a straw. They destroyed a number of chateaux (the fancy houses of the nobles) while committing a bunch of atrocities against the higher class along the way. While they were eventually defeated, Edward tried to capitalize on the chaos and attacked but was defeated here and there regardless of the possible advantages he held.

In what feels like a somewhat anti-climactic end to the Edwardian section of the Hundred Years' War (I really was hoping that Black Prince guy - not to be confused with Martin Lawrence's The Black Knight - was going to be more of a central character) they decided to once again call a truce. Edward agreed to give up the throne to the French king, and he would take control over the territories of Aquitaine and Calais. Tune in next time for more war-time fun that surely will rival the excitement of next week's Game of Thrones episode.

Operation Mincemeat

Operation Mincemeat is one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" stories. Here we have a successful soldier who doesn't exist, used for a plot by men that worked with the creator of James Bond, a corpse-spy that fooled Hitler and his best men, and a British plot that saved countless lives by misinforming the Nazis to pave the way for one of the largest invasions of all time. If it were a movie and not a true story, it would be deemed too unrealistic. It's a tale of sheer luck, expert planning and dressing up the corpse of some poor Welshman. 

Now, for the background. The Allies wanted to attack Germany through initially landing in an invasion in Sicily, believing it to be what they called the "soft underbelly" of the Axis forces. However, the Nazis had this nasty tendency of defending their positions and killing everyone, a frustrating issue for the Brits. Obviously the borders to defend are massive, but that was largely a non-issue. Between any number of spies, wire-tapping and all sorts of espionage, it was darn near impossible to send a full invading force without the enemy finding out about it prior to the landing, giving them time to set up defences, move troops, and go all 300 on the attackers and hold the line. To trick the enemy, there had to be a plan of absolute sheer genius. Aaaaand enter Operation Mincemeat. 

The ID card of Major Martin. He lived by the motto
"live fast, die young, and leave a beautiful corpse
...that can be used to trick Nazis".

Two men spearheaded an idea of tricking the Nazis into believing the attacks would not land in Sicily, but elsewhere close by, likely in Greece. Their plan was an audacious one - find a corpse, plant enough important (although faked) documents to make an enemy spy wet himself with glee, and hope it gets passed up the chain of command until it becomes fact, causing the enemy to move his pieces in all the wrong places. While on paper it sounds like a sound plan, there are an almost endless number of ways the plan would fail; the corpse wouldn't wash up on shore, it wouldn't be believable, it wouldn't be passed up the ranks, or worst of all, the Germans would read it, see it as a ruse, and prepare all the more in the Sicily believing it to be a faint. And then of course there's the matter of finding a corpse... that's not as easy as it sounds, unfortunately.

The dead man that was chosen was a poor Welsh guy with little family to speak of, meaning they could slip past the awkward "would you be so kind as to let us borrow the corpse of your son" conversation. As for the man, he died from accidentally killing himself with rat poison. He lived an uninspired life, with not much to make note of - in a way it's rather sad how his accomplishments in death, through no choice or decision of his own, far surpassed what he had done in life; heck, they blew out of the water the accomplishments of what most people would do with theirs, so maybe it's not depressing at all but morbidly inspiring. That or the most likely conclusion, being it's simply an interesting anecdote and I should continue on with the story.

Charles Chomondeley, a man who
from this picture alone you can tell put on
a quality, British, cracking good show.

Unfortunately for the masterminds behind the operation (Ewan Montagu and Charles Chomondeley) getting the body was only half the battle. If they simply put the corpse in the water with a number of battle plans the Nazis would pick it up as a fake faster than a blitzkrieg through Poland. Their job was to create a life for a dead man; they had to falsify documents, make up a personality, give him family, friends, an attitude, a rank in the military, bank dept, and every number of things that can not only be used to make him look like just an everyday military man but also things that can be completely verified. Montagu and Chomondeley slaved over letters to fill his pockets, trying to make him sound like a real man without forcing an air of honesty that would come across as unrealistic. After countless attempts and interference from higher-ups, they came to their finale - Major Martin was born from the corpse of an Welshman. The newly created Major was placed in obituary papers, had a sweetheart back home, money issues with his wealthy father, and an ID card with his photo taken (the photo was actually a separate man as the corpse was not particularly cooperative in the act of looking alive). He was also fitted for military dress, which involved the unseemly task of temporarily unfreezing his feet (he was frozen to prevent rotting) in order to remove his shoes to put on the tight military boots he needed to look authentic. I sincerely doubt Montagu had that particular moment on any future resume.

The New York Times listed him in their list of casualties.
The book noted it was the only time a fake man was listed in the
obituary pages of the newspaper. I thought this was an unnecessary thing to mention.

Now that the body was prepared (as well as a capsule to transport the corpse that was so notoriously difficult to sink and took so many gunshots when trying to dispose of the evidence it almost ruined the mission) they had to drop the body off in a place where they knew it would get picked up with the documents read and sent up the chain of command. The chosen location was neutral Spain - in particular, a part of Spain that had a large number of German sympathizers, as well as a prominent and high quality German spy. The hope was they would pick up the body, delay the attempts of the British to recover it, pass along the documents and return them untouched. Britain's plan would be to feign casual interest in retrieving the documents (too much interest would be showing their hand too much in the importance of the body, too little would mean it's obviously a fake) and eventually get them back to continue with their plans. The documents themselves stated an attack on Greece was imminent, 

with a feint to distract the Germans through an attack on Sicily - of course, it was entirely the opposite. 

Through a series of chance, the ideal people on the German side to pick up the documents and believe them (namely an expert spy to get them and an incompetent official to believe them so willingly), and absolutely ingenious planning from the Brits back home, the plan worked perfectly. The faked invasion plans made it all the way up the line to Hitler himself. On landing on the shores of Sicily some weeks later, they were met with just a fraction of the defences they had anticipated, the German army set up far, far away unable to reinforce. The Allied army crushed through the weakened line in an absolutely massive military campaign, with so much of the thanks going to a poor Welsh lad who killed himself while trying to bump off a few rats. 

Famous Historical Figures Say the Darndest Things!

1. "The German in Sicily is doomed. Absolutely doomed. He won't get away." Words from British WW2 General Montgomery upon the successful invasion of Sicily. 
2. "Joy of joys to anyone, and particularly a Jew, the satisfaction of knowing that they had directly and specifically fooled that monster." Ewan Montagu, one of the leading ideas men of Operation Mincemeat.
3. "In that case, we shall have to get the body back and give it another swim." Winston Churchill on the worries of the corpse not making it to the shoreline in Spain.
4. "Glyndwr Michael served as Major William Martin." The words on the gravestone for the created agent, buried in Huelva.